My Cardboard Balcony

by Belinda Roddie I get bonus points for being woke in rural Scotland. I add flavor to the haggis with my social justice talkin'. Added linoleum damage for all the mikes I'm droppin'. You're just pleading for me to end it, but I ain't ever stoppin'. I'm the perennial millennial with a chip on my shoulder, still paying rent for a shit studio while I'm just getting older. Can't you find me in the highlands, where I've settled with pretending that my spirit is a fountain and the fury's never ending? Watch me lift my kilt, expose myself to Heaven and Lord Jesus, who'll avert his eyes and cry for the more rational to please us. Are my words just overkill, and my message getting garbled? I think everyone around me thinks I'm just losing my marbles. So I'll hightail it from highlands to the city, off to Glasgow, then suburbia to Edinburgh for a Guinness and a freak show. I'll pony up to gorgeous girls with accents never wilti

'Twas an overcast day on a less than sunny May, and I was hoping for some smoking on the pier down by the bay. Just when I thought I was free, an old man came up to me, croaking like he was on some sort of lung cancer spree. So I tossed my cigarettes, saved some money on my checks, and wound chewing so much gum I pulled a muscle in my chest.