My Cardboard Balcony

Ahoy There! by Belinda Roddie Ahoy there! We be headin' out to sea on three fine boats so beautiful and strong, so let the women all pine after ye as you're seduced by Lady Ocean's song. Come join the crew! Bring a bottle or six and feel the salty spray upon your cheeks. You'll learn the captain's smile and sailors' tricks and forget about dry land in a few weeks. We fight, we pillage, and we drink until our stomachs ache from all the bitter grog, and after a good battle, yes, you will feel like a true pirate deep in the fog. So find yourself a sword and climb aboard! Perhaps, one day, these three ships shall be yours.

What a looker! What a catch! She's just ripe for the taking. Don't tell me it's the vodka going straight to my head like oxygen. I am ready to tear her from that stool and carry her off to my hotel room for some sweet, sweet lovemaking. There is the prey, and I am the predator. I just make my way toward her, woo her with my charm, and all shall be - Yeah, that's how I got the bloody nose. And the broken arm. She was the predator, after all.

My Love In The Garden by Belinda Roddie I scampered to seek out my love, and I found him asleep in the garden. Rose petals were caught in his hair, and the winds gave his snoring no pardon. How calm and so deep into dreamland was he, my strange and impish darling! With eyes bright as coals in a fire and a nose like the beak of a starling. I was strong, so I carried my love to his bed and away from the garden. As I wrapped him in sheets, he then stirred just enough to speak in a weird jargon. His words, how they pittered and pattered and made not a sense in the slightest! Though my beau was a quick, cunning man, half-unconscious, he wasn't the brightest. Two moons hung in saucers above, and the window was peppered with stardust. I remembered the day that we met, and we checked to see who could run farthest. My love was as quick as a fox, and yet, to his chagrin, I was faster! And I even could outrace my sister, who gasped as I frolicked right past her. ...

There was definitely a lack of sympathy in the room, even after I had announced the death of my father. One of my managers had simply rolled her eyes, while the other manager stared straight past me, as if focusing on the intricate cracks and misshapen lumps in the wall. Finally, one of my coworkers, who I deeply loved, spoke. "Harriet." She walked toward me, and in my silent shock, she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

Stir Well by Belinda Roddie My secret recipe for war needs more than ammunition: It requires a weak man or two, both prone to sweet sedition. Just hang their desires on a string and spark small provocations. When their sand castles are threatened, they'll drink oceans to wreck nations.

"Fire at will!" the captain screamed. "Can't!" barked his second. "We don't have the firepower!" "Then throw the whole load at 'em!" he shrieked. He was then stunned to see a shower of empty rifles, shotguns, and pistols rain down upon te enemy forces, hitting a few of them in the temples. "Well," the captain muttered. "My army's full of idiots."

Grubby Hubby by Belinda Roddie There's my grubby hubby tromping down the stairs, wearing the same old T-shirt with chip crumbs in his hair. He's done with video games tonight, so now it's time for beer. He gets one for me, too, y'know - he's really such a dear. My grubby hubby gives good hugs and cusses like a tar, burping out the alphabet while he drives his beat up car. He makes the kids laugh when he does his staple "belly shake," a dance move he invented to make giggly jawlines ache. The neighbors don't like him so much - they think he's far too dirty. Except for Missus Shaw, that is - with him, she gets real flirty. She tries to sneak him pizza rolls when he's mowing the lawn, but all her talk of chia pets just makes both of us yawn. The dads along the block say that my hubby's such a mess because of how he holds himself and 'cause of how he's dressed. They want to put him in a suit and have h...