Saturday's Storyteller: "Bring me my carrot cake!"
by Belinda Roddie
Bring me my carrot cake!
That's right. Bring it to me. Bring it to me on the nicest plate you can find in your house. Make it porcelain. Make it fine china! And include the finest silver fork. Or stainless steel, if that's all you have. But that cake must be brought to me!
It is a marvelous cake, that carrot cake. Fresh from the baker's box, cut from a batch of sweet wonders. Who would have thought that vegetables could help make such a sugary delicacy? It's not just for birthdays - it is for all occasions! Every day must be carrot cake day!
...What's the matter? You don't want to bring me carrot cake? You know, I knew someone else who used to bring me carrot cake. She used to bring it by the dozen to my house. She even brought milk to go with it. Sometimes coffee. Sometimes the finest tea. Then she got tired of it. Didn't want to cater to my humble desires any longer. Even when it wasn't much to ask. Where is she now, child? She is in Miami, Florida, dying a slow, painful death while everyone around her strips naked or eats raw meat off of Walmart shelves! You turn down a sane task and you suffer the insane consequences?
Oh, you don't buy it? Believe me, my dear, I did not bring this upon her. She brought it upon herself. Give kindness and kindness gives back. Refuse kindness and kindness like a BAMF stands up and smacks you in the jaw. Knocks out a couple of your teeth if it's angry enough. Then doesn't pay for your dental bills when you get brand spanking new metal incisors. Tell me, is that how you want to live your life? Paying off loans for your new silver teeth?
Yeah, that's right. Stand up and walk away. But don't even think about going back to the cafeteria. You'll see me there. Oh, you will. And I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting with my gray tray and my bowls of potato and leek soup and my grilled cheese sandwich. And you can try hiding behind that frozen yogurt dispenser that's always out of order, but you can't hide from me. Because you'll see it. That little dessert stand, with that little cake wonder sitting among the double chocolate cookies and the mini doughnuts.
You know what you have to do, my pet. You know what destiny has lain out for you, all covered in red and white sprinkles. And my voice will call to you, even while you sleep, even while you try to think about your next meal strategy. You know what I'll say:
Bring me.
My.
Carrot cake.
This week's prompt was provided by Lyz Reblin.
Bring me my carrot cake!
That's right. Bring it to me. Bring it to me on the nicest plate you can find in your house. Make it porcelain. Make it fine china! And include the finest silver fork. Or stainless steel, if that's all you have. But that cake must be brought to me!
It is a marvelous cake, that carrot cake. Fresh from the baker's box, cut from a batch of sweet wonders. Who would have thought that vegetables could help make such a sugary delicacy? It's not just for birthdays - it is for all occasions! Every day must be carrot cake day!
...What's the matter? You don't want to bring me carrot cake? You know, I knew someone else who used to bring me carrot cake. She used to bring it by the dozen to my house. She even brought milk to go with it. Sometimes coffee. Sometimes the finest tea. Then she got tired of it. Didn't want to cater to my humble desires any longer. Even when it wasn't much to ask. Where is she now, child? She is in Miami, Florida, dying a slow, painful death while everyone around her strips naked or eats raw meat off of Walmart shelves! You turn down a sane task and you suffer the insane consequences?
Oh, you don't buy it? Believe me, my dear, I did not bring this upon her. She brought it upon herself. Give kindness and kindness gives back. Refuse kindness and kindness like a BAMF stands up and smacks you in the jaw. Knocks out a couple of your teeth if it's angry enough. Then doesn't pay for your dental bills when you get brand spanking new metal incisors. Tell me, is that how you want to live your life? Paying off loans for your new silver teeth?
Yeah, that's right. Stand up and walk away. But don't even think about going back to the cafeteria. You'll see me there. Oh, you will. And I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting with my gray tray and my bowls of potato and leek soup and my grilled cheese sandwich. And you can try hiding behind that frozen yogurt dispenser that's always out of order, but you can't hide from me. Because you'll see it. That little dessert stand, with that little cake wonder sitting among the double chocolate cookies and the mini doughnuts.
You know what you have to do, my pet. You know what destiny has lain out for you, all covered in red and white sprinkles. And my voice will call to you, even while you sleep, even while you try to think about your next meal strategy. You know what I'll say:
Bring me.
My.
Carrot cake.
This week's prompt was provided by Lyz Reblin.
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