Saturday's Storyteller: "I don't go out to restaurants so much as haunt them."

by Belinda Roddie

"I don't go out to restaurants so much as haunt them."

"Yeah. I know."

"I mean, the bill can be so steep..."

"Yep."

"Especially the booze."

"Uh-huh."

"Always the goddamn expensive booze."

"I hear ya."

"So I hover around the tables a bit and look a bit sketch until someone leaves. Then I get the remains of their meal."

"..."

"John. John. I'm fucking with you."

"I know, but...ew."

"Ew?"

"As in, ew, don't eat people's leftovers at restaurants. I mean, germs."

"Oh, yeah. Of course you focus on the sanitary part of it, dude."

"Well..."

"And not the concept that I am joking about legitimately freaking people out from their tables to eat their stuff."

"Well, that was a given."

"Oh, fuck you."

"You'd like to, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah! But you won't budge on it."

"Here, get your beer and drink it quietly."

"I don't wanna."

"You want it in a sippy cup? Baby bottle?"

"You saying I'm immature?"

"I'm saying you drink booze like it's mother's milk. So enjoy it while I work on my spreadsheets in peace."

"Your job's boring, dude."

"I know, but it pays the bills."

"So..."

"..."

"..."

"...What, Aaron?"

"Take me out to dinner some time?"

"What? No."

"C'moooooon."

"No."

"Pleeeeeease?"

"I don't have that much money to spare."

"Yeah, but if it stops me from being spooky by the local diner..."

"And it makes me unable to afford food in the house for three weeks..."

"You just don't want to take me out on a date."

"Get a pay raise and you can take me for a meal, then. With drinks."

"John."

"The goddamn expensive drinks, might I add."

"Now I want to say 'god damn it' to you!"

"Then victory is mine!"

This week's prompt was provided by Daniel Bulone.