Saturday's Storyteller: "Oh, man, this full-fat ice cream is legenDAIRY!"

by Belinda Roddie

"Oh, man, this full-fat ice cream is legendairy!"

"..."

"..."

"...Okay. Two problems I have with that statement. First of all - "

"The pun was awesome."

"- the pun was awful."

"Aarooooon!"

"And second of all...'full-fat?'"

"...Yeah. Full-fat ice cream."

"...You mean regular ice cream."

"..."

"Just...regular, not at all altered, reduced anything ice cream."

"...Dude. No. It's full-fat. Like, the opposite of low-fat."

"You just call that regular ice cream, John."

"No."

"Regular ice cream is always full-fat, whatever that means."

"No."

"We don't call Vitamin D milk full-fat milk!"

"Well, we don't call full-fat ice cream Vitamin D ice cream, now, do we? So I don't think we can treat milk and ice cream like they're the same thing!"

"...But milk is in ice cream."

"Don't lump them into the same category, Aaron!"

"But they're both - "

"Don't be dairy-racist!"

"...That...that's not even worthy of a response."

"Yeaaaaah. That...wasn't my best."

"No. No, it was not."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Soooooo."

" 'Sup?"

"What kind of ice cream is it?"

"Oh, it's a very special ice cream, my dear."

"Because it's legendairy?"

"No, that's just the beginning, dude. This ice cream cannot be surpassed."

"So what is it?"

"Bailey's Flavored Ice Cream, bro."

"...John."

"Yep?"

"No such thing."

"There totally is!"

"No, there isn't."

"You can get it at restaurants!"

"The carton you're eating it from clearly says Dulce de Leche on it!"

"...Yes."

"Okay."

"And I may have dumped a fuckton of Bailey's in it."

"Good God, John."

"What? It's super good!"

"You're taking way too much advantage of this heat wave, man."

"Hey, cold beer, Bailey's, and ice cream? I'll take what I can get."

"Ever tried water, too?"

"What is this water you speak of?"

"Don't be a dick."

"I hydrate when needed, honey."

"Look. All I ask is one thing from you."

"Uh-huh."

"...Okay, two things."

"Uh-huh."

"Number one...no more ice cream puns."

"No problem. The one I fired out is all I've got in my arsenal."

"Okay."

"Also, there's totally such a thing as full-fat ice cream."

"Fine, whatever."

"Bailey's Ice Cream is also totally a thing. I just couldn't find it at the grocery store."

"Okay, I get it, shut up! And number two..."

"...Yeah, dude?"

"...Let me have just one scoop of that, okay?"

"...Get yourself a bowl and a spoon, and we're good."

"Thanks, John."

"Or I can always feed it directly to you. Make it romantic."

"And you just ruined it."

"Or lick it off my fingers!"

"Okay, I'm making friends with the fan now!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Roddie.