Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
Ugh. Did my last week of break have to go so fast? Now I've got papers to grade and another semester to teach on Monday. Bleh.
Well, I mentioned the resolutions I accomplished last year; now here are some new ones I want to work on this year:
1. Get my novel, [Insert Self-Discovery], published by the end of the year.
2. Survive Yearbook this year and get my second book completed on time.
3. Become involved in more acting projects, both onstage and on film.
4. Continue to work on fitness and eating healthy throughout the year.
5. Finish Season Two of Goza and start strategizing for how to complete Season 3 (its final season).
6. Find a way to get back into music and songwriting, which could mean going solo and trying to find fellow musicians to collaborate with.
7. Help my wife in marketing and publicizing her art portfolio, in order to assist her in becoming an established artist.
Some of these resolutions may be difficult to achieve, in part due to my work schedule and my prior commitments. These past two weeks, unfortunately, haven't brought me any closer to making some tough decisions for the next school year. I've talked with my mentor teacher, former advisers, friends and family, even administrators, and the advice I get usually boils down to one fact: "Do what you think is best for me." But is what's best for me something that simply helps me out, or is what's best for me something that also positively affects and benefits the community I'm part of?
See, I don't like being selfish. Many of my decisions are based on how I want to help others - be it my students, my coworkers, my loved ones, my wife. A lot of times, I sacrifice a lot of my own time, energy, and even health to make a difference in people's lives. And sometimes, it backfires: I become too invested, I emotionally break down, and I potentially estrange the people around me. I'm not asking for accolades or kudos for this: in fact, I'd appreciate it if people tried to slap some sense into me. Because the irony is, a lot of times, my compassion in others is also rooted in self-affirmation. In short, I feel like if I walk away from something and disappoint people, it could cast me in a negative light.
What I'm saying is: By trying to be selfless, I am essentially, deep down, actually being selfish, because I want people to like me. It's...kind of pathetic, actually.
So what do I do? Keep thinking about thing. Revisit past events I shouldn't. Continue to weigh my options without committing to a solution. And I'm running out of time. I know that if I walk away from one thing, I can help with other things, perhaps things I'm more passionate about. But as this new semester starts, how will I ever figure out if it's the right decision before it's too late?
I know I'm being very vague, and I know a lot of my introspection has come across as borderline self-pitying. I'm sorry about that. I want you, my lovely readers, to enjoy the writing on here and not be inundated by my personal rants. I'm working on becoming more sensible and less sensitive, and I'm hoping that 2019 is a year in which I can do that.
I'd add that as a resolution, but emotional goals are, in my opinion, the most trying and requiring the most time. This will be a life-long journey, my friends.
Hope the new year's treated you well so far despite the craziness around us.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
Well, I mentioned the resolutions I accomplished last year; now here are some new ones I want to work on this year:
1. Get my novel, [Insert Self-Discovery], published by the end of the year.
2. Survive Yearbook this year and get my second book completed on time.
3. Become involved in more acting projects, both onstage and on film.
4. Continue to work on fitness and eating healthy throughout the year.
5. Finish Season Two of Goza and start strategizing for how to complete Season 3 (its final season).
6. Find a way to get back into music and songwriting, which could mean going solo and trying to find fellow musicians to collaborate with.
7. Help my wife in marketing and publicizing her art portfolio, in order to assist her in becoming an established artist.
Some of these resolutions may be difficult to achieve, in part due to my work schedule and my prior commitments. These past two weeks, unfortunately, haven't brought me any closer to making some tough decisions for the next school year. I've talked with my mentor teacher, former advisers, friends and family, even administrators, and the advice I get usually boils down to one fact: "Do what you think is best for me." But is what's best for me something that simply helps me out, or is what's best for me something that also positively affects and benefits the community I'm part of?
See, I don't like being selfish. Many of my decisions are based on how I want to help others - be it my students, my coworkers, my loved ones, my wife. A lot of times, I sacrifice a lot of my own time, energy, and even health to make a difference in people's lives. And sometimes, it backfires: I become too invested, I emotionally break down, and I potentially estrange the people around me. I'm not asking for accolades or kudos for this: in fact, I'd appreciate it if people tried to slap some sense into me. Because the irony is, a lot of times, my compassion in others is also rooted in self-affirmation. In short, I feel like if I walk away from something and disappoint people, it could cast me in a negative light.
What I'm saying is: By trying to be selfless, I am essentially, deep down, actually being selfish, because I want people to like me. It's...kind of pathetic, actually.
So what do I do? Keep thinking about thing. Revisit past events I shouldn't. Continue to weigh my options without committing to a solution. And I'm running out of time. I know that if I walk away from one thing, I can help with other things, perhaps things I'm more passionate about. But as this new semester starts, how will I ever figure out if it's the right decision before it's too late?
I know I'm being very vague, and I know a lot of my introspection has come across as borderline self-pitying. I'm sorry about that. I want you, my lovely readers, to enjoy the writing on here and not be inundated by my personal rants. I'm working on becoming more sensible and less sensitive, and I'm hoping that 2019 is a year in which I can do that.
I'd add that as a resolution, but emotional goals are, in my opinion, the most trying and requiring the most time. This will be a life-long journey, my friends.
Hope the new year's treated you well so far despite the craziness around us.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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