Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
These past couple weeks have been an odd mix of activity and inactivity, happiness and sadness, confidence and anxiety. I submitted my novella manuscript to a small LGBT publishing press, added to my graphic novel script (I'm on Volume Two), and have had some wonderful times with my family, friends, and girlfriend. My sixth play has come to a standstill, but I had a job interview today and I'm hoping that with more interviews and maybe a job, I can gain some inspiration again.
My mind, especially during slow days, has been racing. While I love being home and know I'm safe and secure and happy in Northern California with my family and friends...my heart pines for Southern California. It's where I went to college. It's where a lot of my friends are. It's where my girlfriend is. It's where my life was for four years. But a lot of things hold me back from moving down - lack of a car and a job being the major snag. So I'm job searching high and low and trying to keep in touch with those I got so close to at my university.
Since I have so much downtime, I've been watching a lot of videos online. A lot of comedic acts, vlogs, stories of romance...list goes on. For tonight's installment, I tried watching Doctor Who. I watched two of the creepiest episodes that the revived show's writer Steven Moffat had to offer. In conclusion...I freaked. I didn't know why I got so scared, and my imagination's ability to vividly retain the content of the most frightening scenes didn't help. My sister told me if I got so creeped out by those episodes, she didn't know if I could handle the other episodes. But then I thought about the episodes specifically and why they, apart from other "creepy" things that don't necessarily creep me out, got to me more.
I realized that what gets me the most scared is the alteration of a person to such an extent that he or she cannot control it or escape from it, if that makes sense. Anything to transform someone into a being that is not himself or herself...or anything to disembody a person's fears, thoughts, or trauma and leave it lingering perhaps when a person has already died...anything that dramatically alters a person's appearance or psyche in a movie or TV show...terrifies me. It explains why I can't handle a lot of imagery that some people may find to be incredibly mild. Because to me, the individual being harmed or subdued or mutated into something he or she cannot control is horrifying even if perhaps I don't stay up all night wondering if it'll happen to me. It's why I can't watch exorcism movies. It's why I can't tolerate a lot of transformation scenes. When the imagery doesn't scare me, the fearful reaction to the imagery, whether by the witnesses or the victim, is really something I can't really handle.
...Of course, my sister wants me to watch the entirety of Doctor Who now. Griifhisdgauybffl gah.
It really is an amazing thing to further understand the way my mind works. Like I said in an earlier Introspection entry (about two months ago now, I believe), people have complimented me on my alleged self-awareness, which they claim allows me to better understand others. What they may not realize is that my self-awareness does not have a limit. It's an unending journey in which I must confront and accept my fears, worries, and flaws. Writing especially helps, and it's helping now, especially with the stuff from the Doctor Who episodes that I hope is becoming less and less severe in my imagination. It's delightfully cathartic. When I occasionally lose focus or composure, writing and talking and spilling things onto a screen or piece of paper allows me to reassemble and settle. All the things I'm afraid of, from the bizarrely infeasible to the alarmingly possible, don't upset me as much. Of course they don't entirely go away, but I can handle them.
And that's what I'm working on now: Control. Focus. A steady mind that can handle a constant learning process. Self-awareness ever expanding. It certainly helps me stay happy. And it'll certainly help me cope with the potential freak-outs I'll have watching some even creepier episodes of Doctor Who.
You're welcome, sis!
Recommended Book: The Once And Future King by T.H. White
Quite possibly the most recognizable version of the King Arthur tale you will find. It was the inspiration for Disney's The Sword in the Stone, too!
Recommended Poet: William Stobb
...Yes, I did recommend him last week. ...No, I haven't finished reading the books I got. ...Don't judge me.
Recommended Music: The Beatles
Must be Doctor Who inspiring me with its British-ness...
Recommended Drink Before Bed: Bailey's
Gotta be of the right age, of course. And drink it with an ice cube or two.
Writer's Quotation of the Night:
Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.
- Anton Chekhov
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
My mind, especially during slow days, has been racing. While I love being home and know I'm safe and secure and happy in Northern California with my family and friends...my heart pines for Southern California. It's where I went to college. It's where a lot of my friends are. It's where my girlfriend is. It's where my life was for four years. But a lot of things hold me back from moving down - lack of a car and a job being the major snag. So I'm job searching high and low and trying to keep in touch with those I got so close to at my university.
Since I have so much downtime, I've been watching a lot of videos online. A lot of comedic acts, vlogs, stories of romance...list goes on. For tonight's installment, I tried watching Doctor Who. I watched two of the creepiest episodes that the revived show's writer Steven Moffat had to offer. In conclusion...I freaked. I didn't know why I got so scared, and my imagination's ability to vividly retain the content of the most frightening scenes didn't help. My sister told me if I got so creeped out by those episodes, she didn't know if I could handle the other episodes. But then I thought about the episodes specifically and why they, apart from other "creepy" things that don't necessarily creep me out, got to me more.
I realized that what gets me the most scared is the alteration of a person to such an extent that he or she cannot control it or escape from it, if that makes sense. Anything to transform someone into a being that is not himself or herself...or anything to disembody a person's fears, thoughts, or trauma and leave it lingering perhaps when a person has already died...anything that dramatically alters a person's appearance or psyche in a movie or TV show...terrifies me. It explains why I can't handle a lot of imagery that some people may find to be incredibly mild. Because to me, the individual being harmed or subdued or mutated into something he or she cannot control is horrifying even if perhaps I don't stay up all night wondering if it'll happen to me. It's why I can't watch exorcism movies. It's why I can't tolerate a lot of transformation scenes. When the imagery doesn't scare me, the fearful reaction to the imagery, whether by the witnesses or the victim, is really something I can't really handle.
...Of course, my sister wants me to watch the entirety of Doctor Who now. Griifhisdgauybffl gah.
It really is an amazing thing to further understand the way my mind works. Like I said in an earlier Introspection entry (about two months ago now, I believe), people have complimented me on my alleged self-awareness, which they claim allows me to better understand others. What they may not realize is that my self-awareness does not have a limit. It's an unending journey in which I must confront and accept my fears, worries, and flaws. Writing especially helps, and it's helping now, especially with the stuff from the Doctor Who episodes that I hope is becoming less and less severe in my imagination. It's delightfully cathartic. When I occasionally lose focus or composure, writing and talking and spilling things onto a screen or piece of paper allows me to reassemble and settle. All the things I'm afraid of, from the bizarrely infeasible to the alarmingly possible, don't upset me as much. Of course they don't entirely go away, but I can handle them.
And that's what I'm working on now: Control. Focus. A steady mind that can handle a constant learning process. Self-awareness ever expanding. It certainly helps me stay happy. And it'll certainly help me cope with the potential freak-outs I'll have watching some even creepier episodes of Doctor Who.
You're welcome, sis!
Recommended Book: The Once And Future King by T.H. White
Quite possibly the most recognizable version of the King Arthur tale you will find. It was the inspiration for Disney's The Sword in the Stone, too!
Recommended Poet: William Stobb
...Yes, I did recommend him last week. ...No, I haven't finished reading the books I got. ...Don't judge me.
Recommended Music: The Beatles
Must be Doctor Who inspiring me with its British-ness...
Recommended Drink Before Bed: Bailey's
Gotta be of the right age, of course. And drink it with an ice cube or two.
Writer's Quotation of the Night:
Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.
- Anton Chekhov
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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