Tonight's Poet Corner: Unsolicited
Unsolicited by Belinda Roddie When life sends you a dick pic, you should first question the source, since there's always a chance that Google Images was involved in this strange, unwanted tryst. Then, challenge its dimensions - how the girth might be distorted by the angle, the length extended by Photoshop. The size of the ship can still determine the motion of the ocean, and a rubber dinghy just won't cut it in already choppy waters. If you have a strong stomach, maybe try counting the veins that bulge out, like an angry man's neck. Check the texture. Is it like a sausage left in the microwave for too long, sad and shriveled? Or does it wobble like a broken chair leg, warning you of splinters, or tetanus, or worse? Upon viewing life's dick pic, you may feel a little nauseated - that familiar rise of heat in your throat, the twisting of intestines like ropes into the shape and strength of a noose. Everything about it will seem off: