My Cardboard Balcony

My Cousin Stole My Candy by Belinda Roddie My cousin stole my candy after I had finished trick-or-treating. I caught him eating my peanut butter cups outside the bathroom and was ready to punch him right in the nose. My mother, spotting me, reprimanded the both of us and made sure to buy me replacement candy while my cousin surely made plans to, again, filch sweets from me. I would not let that slide - I had worked too hard on my costume, and Halloween was a special holiday for me. So once I got more candy, I not only hid it, but also installed a special device to shock the thief's balls.

I was ready to put the eggs into the incubator when my father stomped in, purple in the face and noticeably sweating from the sideburns down, soaking his neck with his own sea salt. "Forget chicks," he wheezed, wiping his steaming chin with his sleeve. "Your mother wants an omelet, stat." I stared. "Pregnancy cravings?" "A huge fucking omelet!" my father gasped. "Fucking STAT!"