My Cardboard Balcony

WARNING: The following short story is significantly more R-rated than usual. Several references and bad puns about private parts can be found here. Please read at your own discretion. Thank you. by Belinda Roddie "'Jingle Boobs' would be a great name for a song." "..." "What? It would! Jingle boobs, jingle boobs - " "No." " Jingle all the boobs." "John, you're gay. You shouldn't be singing about boobs." "Oh, okay. Jingle boobs, jingle boobs, I am super gay..." "Oh, God." " I'm not squeezing any boobs 'cause I am super gay, hey!" "You are terrible at writing lyrics." "And you're just envious of my singing skills." "Are you kidding me? You couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if you tried." "Don't be silly, Aaron. You can't put tunes in buckets. They're tunes." "..." "Tunes

"Dude." "What?" Shannon blinked at me. "Dude." She pointed at my character sheet. "You elf is seriously misaligned." "And why's that?" Brennan, who played a dwarf paladin, wrinkled his nose. "What's wrong with a chaotic evil elf?" "They're peaceful!" Shannon cried. "They're serene and calm and level-headed!" "Hey, Shannon?" Carly, our dungeon master, piped up. "Maybe let the elf lady go crazy on the goblins' asses, okay?"