Saturday's Storyteller: "'Jingle Boobs' would be a great name for a song."

WARNING: The following short story is significantly more R-rated than usual. Several references and bad puns about private parts can be found here. Please read at your own discretion. Thank you.

by Belinda Roddie

"'Jingle Boobs' would be a great name for a song."

"..."

"What? It would! Jingle boobs, jingle boobs - "

"No."

"Jingle all the boobs."

"John, you're gay. You shouldn't be singing about boobs."

"Oh, okay. Jingle boobs, jingle boobs, I am super gay..."

"Oh, God."

"I'm not squeezing any boobs 'cause I am super gay, hey!"

"You are terrible at writing lyrics."

"And you're just envious of my singing skills."

"Are you kidding me? You couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if you tried."

"Don't be silly, Aaron. You can't put tunes in buckets. They're tunes."

"..."

"Tunes don't have a tangible form."

"..."

"I mean, unless you have the music sheets or something. Then they can be carried in a bucket. But if you didn't - "

"It's a figure of speech, God damn it!"

"I know. I just like fucking with you."

"Why would you ever want a song called, 'Jingle Boobs'?"

"Because 'Jingle Dick' just sounds weird?"

"...Yeah, I guess."

"I mean, you could tie bells around a penis. Probably easier than on nipples."

"John."

"That'd be quite the Christmas sight, huh? Like, 'What's that ringing coming from?' 'Oh, you know...from my pants."

"John."

"I mean, Christmas innuendo is probably more fun with male genitalia, anyway. Y'know...come and lick my candy cane?"

"John, if we were a TV show right now, we'd be censored!"

"Yeah, good thing that's not the case, huh?"

"I swear, if I ever - ever - catch you in bed with your package in a...well, package..."

"Awwww, no shiny red wrapping paper? No ribbons? No big bow?"

"Okay, the bow you can get away with. But nothing else."

"I just want to be under your Christmas tree, babe."

"Not enough room."

"Unwrap me, sweetheart."

"No."

"Make sure you're not on the naughty list."

"I think Santa has blacklisted this apartment, man."

"Fine by me. I'll eat all the cookies and drink all the milk myself."

"In due time. For now, more rum and egg nog."

"...Hey, Aaron."

"Yeah?"

"You have the patience of a saint."

"Well, it is Christmas time."

"Yep."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Jingle boobs, jingle boobs..."

"Okay, go to your room and think about what you've done."

"All right. But just so you know, there's mistletoe waiting for you."

"..."

"In my pants."

"C'mon, John!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Roddie.