My Cardboard Balcony

Haley Had Crabs by Belinda Roddie Haley had crabs crawling all over the place, and try as she might, she couldn't get them back in the bucket so she could take them back to her father's seafood shop so they could sell the pesky old crustaceans. Oh, I'm sorry, were you thinking of something else? I should have suspected, because perceptions about Haley revolve a lot around who she slept with the night before. Truth be told, she couldn't give half of a shit about your assumptions, so you may as well buy a crab from her father, maybe two, maybe three, to cook for her in order to make up for your gutter-dwelling, chain-smoking, bourbon-drinking, finger-wanking mind.

The scroll said that the living hath wrought the chaos, and the dead only serve to bring calm. Indeed, only when one spirit drifted from a flesh vessel's lungs that one family ceased to quarrel. Two more, and two families were joined together without further bloodshed. People were beginning to realize that, without death, nothing bore a consequence anymore. And everyone turned to chaos. So the scroll was true.