My Cardboard Balcony

Governor's Gravy by Belinda Roddie Governor was his real name because his papa greeted everyone with, " 'Ello, gov'nah!" and thought that it'd be easier for him to remember his son's can label. Governor was the one in our family who brought the turkey and gravy for Christmas. While we'd stuff ourselves with stuffing, Governor would grab the gravy boat and drink half of it on its own, no food to go with it. His papa would make a face, and Governor, nestling his nose into his boyfriend's arm, would smugly ask, " 'Ow you like that, gov'nah?"

Various people in various restaurants. Three stars, four stars, five stars. Diner food, hamburgers laced with toxic mayonnaise. Ready to kill after a good meal? Well, unfortunately, the arsenic has a lousy aftertaste. Best to apply the hedonistic aspect to a last dinner, right? You think I'm too kind a killer. Well, I've enjoyed my triple grilled cheeses before. My milkshakes and my curly fries. And I certainly wouldn't want to die with the taste of death in my mouth.