My Cardboard Balcony

I Craved Two Things by Belinda Roddie I craved two things: Beer, and a pair of boobs for me to use as pillows for my poor, exhausted head. I went down to the store to get the first thing, snagging a six pack of amber ale and bringing it to the counter. Upon seeing the buxom girl running the register, my knees grew weak. I handed her a twenty and asked, "So, what time are you getting off work?" she smiled and replied, "wouldn't you like to know." I insisted: "You don't have plans, do you? I can show you a good time." "As a matter of fact," she answered, "I have a special beer date with someone - my voluptuous gal!"

"You have a very bright aura around you," the golden-haired, middle-aged woman in a purple shawl said to me. "Colorful, alluring. Did you know that?" I desperately wanted to find another seat on the bus, but everywhere else was taken. My MP3 player had died during the trip, and there was no other option to get away from this New Ageist save for ripping open the emergency door and leaping out onto the open freeway. But seeing as I didn't want to get hit by a bus and get bankrupted by the hospital bills, all I could say was, "No. I didn't know."