Saturday's Storyteller: "Birkenstocks are totally in style this season!"

by Belinda Roddie

"Birkenstocks are totally in style this season!"

"No, dude. No, they're not."

"What?"

"They're not in style this season. Or any season, for that matter."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Aaron, I didn't know you were suddenly the newest fashion police."

"I didn't say that."

"Okay, fashion expert."

"No."

"Fashion poser?"

"Shut up, John."

"Hey, is that the doorbell?"

"Excellent observation."

"Yay, the mail's here!"

"I'll get the door. ...Emily? What're you doing here?"

"Nice to see you, too. You by yourself?"

"No, I've got a drunk John. You want him?"

"I don't know, is he going to follow me home?"

"Hi, Emily!"

"Hi, John. Nice Birkenstocks."

"Is your girlfriend here?"

"No, she's in Little Man seeing family."

"Ohhhh, right, Lindsay and Evie!"

"Leslie and Emma, John."

"That's what I said!"

"I think you get to keep him, Aaron."

"Aw, damn it, Emily. Be fair."

"Hey, I've already got Kate to deal with. You know she drinks beer with her cousin on the roof? I'm waiting for her to get arrested."

"You two have been together for, what, three years?"

"Three and a half. After I kiss-assaulted her. Kissaulted."

"Ha! That's funny!"

"Thanks, John."

"So how long 'til you're both old enough to share a drink with us?"

"I'm already good. She's got two months. If she could just hold out a little longer..."

"Hey, Emily! You think I should kissault Aaron?"

"John, I'm going to kill you."

"What do you mean, kissault Aar...ohhhh?"

"No."

"Oh-ho-ho-hooooo?"

"It's not what you think, Em."

"Is my little Aaron building a fort in that closet yonder?"

"Knock it off!"

"Hey, I don't judge! I'm the least likely person to judge! John, how much do I judge?"

"Negative twenty-three percent!"

"Damn. Good number there, buddy."

"I'm not building a fort in the closet!"

"Okay, eating s'mores in there, then."

"Stop it!"

"Are your stuffed animals keeping you company?"

"Emily..."

"Are they equally as fabulous?"

"Damn it, so help me God, I will take you and John and lock you both in a chest and throw you to the curb!"

"Ick, please no, Aaron. Too much man in too close proximity."

"Dude! Emily!"

"Yes, John?"

"Let me know when Kate's back! We'll all have a super gay night together!"

"Not a bad idea! You game, Aaron?"

"Oh, fuck both of you. I'm going to my room."

"Are you suggesting a threesome, my good sir?"

"I will kill you, John!"

"Make out with him first!"

"Emily!"

"I'll wear my Birkenstocks the whole time!"

"Damn it, you guys!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Kilzer.