Tonight's Poet Corner: The Media's On Your Side

The Media's On Your Side
by Belinda Roddie

The panic's finally set in,
glistening, like the handheld
tears you saved in the back of your
Adam's apple just in time for the
cameras to see. But don't worry about
losing the faith of the clueless, because they,
and the media, are
on your side.

Go back to your milkshake days
when you cleared the sugar air with
broad interceptions, leather skin
aneurysms, and the whole town
was on its brick feet, rooting for you,
until you decided to stick your
greasy fingers into an unwilling
victim's soft spot and shook her innards
up like charbroiled indecency.
Oh, and then spread it around.

No amount of crocodile
wailing will get the rational, the
coherent, the heart-savvy folks to
defend your glittery varsity gold medal
honor. No clammering for top roles in
overhyped sportsimania with the Cain
stamp on your head. But hey, at least the
small-stomached and hot-brained
neophytes equipped with the gift of the
bloated press will stir the dumb masses enough to
pat you on the shoulder and go,

"There, there. Toughen up. Don't
fret about the silhouette fetally locked
in her bedroom, waiting for the windows to stop
shuddering. Waiting for the banshees to finish
screaming, jabbing the ram forward and
expecting the walls to shatter from their fangirl
rage. Because they, and the cock-eyed
clowns at the News Center for Teenage Boys,
are totally on your side."