Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
Well. Life has dealt me a rather shitty hand in cards lately, hasn't it?
The new job didn't work out. I wish it had, but it didn't. I don't want to go into heavy detail about it because it hurts too much, but let's just say that some administrators in the education system should not be allowed to make decisions or treat employees in the same awful, unprofessional fashion that they treated me. And let's just say that three of my friends who I told my story to believe the reasoning for the job not working out was discriminatory. Shame that I can't prove that.
The bottom line is: I'm unemployed again, possibly for a part of me that I cannot control and I cannot change. And that sucks.
The thing is, my last job at AmeriCorps before this botched attempt was an amazing, even if difficult, experience. I was treated with respect using the oh-so-startling concept that I was young and I was learning. My AmeriCorps supervisors were there to support me - they didn't suddenly decide that I was "not a good fit" and very vaguely give me the boot after a mere two weeks at a job where one of my supervisors had actually said I was "doing great." When I goofed, my AmeriCorps supervisors told me so, but they did it because it was the only way I could improve and grow as a professional educator. If it weren't for the small paycheck and the fact that AmeriCorps workers are no longer being hired to work at the Marin literacy programs I was a part of, I'd still be a member of that organization in a heartbeat.
Now that I'm back to job hunting, it means I'm back to square one in a lot of ways, including getting out of my parents' house and finding my own place to live. My girlfriend has snagged an interview for a job, and my sister is working, so that's fantastic. But I'm not working - at least not for pay. And it's hard, but even when this particular situation had nothing to do with my skills or my enthusiasm as an educator - only the petty, private reasoning of some snobby staff and faculty probably pushed down by the giant hand of wealthy, picky parenting or higher-level workers - I can't help feeling like I am doing nothing but failing in the working world.
I know that's not true. Everyone I know, including my former AmeriCorps regional supervisor (bless his heart), has told me that it's not true. I just wish I could believe it.
And in spite of all this difficulty in a mere week, I have discovered who my real friends are, and I am grateful and very, very lucky to have so many loving, compassionate, and helpful people in my life. These are the people who remind me of what I have to offer to schools and students. They support me as I write, work in music, and socialize. They assist me when I need it, and they push me forward when I'm too anxious to do anything myself. Heck, even my former choral director is interested in having me do some work for her in terms of managing and promoting the Marin Girls Chorus in terms of social networking and music organization. That's awesome. It means I'll stay productive while looking for a full-time job, and I'll have more experience in other administrative-ish things as I progress in my professional life. I thank her for that opportunity.
This is going to be an uphill climb (something I'm very much used to after a mere two years out of college), but things are going to work out for me.
I will be a teacher. I will be a hardworking, thoughtful, passionate teacher.
No amount of bureaucratic bullshit is going to stop me in that journey.
Teacher's Quotation of the Night:
[Kids] don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.
The new job didn't work out. I wish it had, but it didn't. I don't want to go into heavy detail about it because it hurts too much, but let's just say that some administrators in the education system should not be allowed to make decisions or treat employees in the same awful, unprofessional fashion that they treated me. And let's just say that three of my friends who I told my story to believe the reasoning for the job not working out was discriminatory. Shame that I can't prove that.
The bottom line is: I'm unemployed again, possibly for a part of me that I cannot control and I cannot change. And that sucks.
The thing is, my last job at AmeriCorps before this botched attempt was an amazing, even if difficult, experience. I was treated with respect using the oh-so-startling concept that I was young and I was learning. My AmeriCorps supervisors were there to support me - they didn't suddenly decide that I was "not a good fit" and very vaguely give me the boot after a mere two weeks at a job where one of my supervisors had actually said I was "doing great." When I goofed, my AmeriCorps supervisors told me so, but they did it because it was the only way I could improve and grow as a professional educator. If it weren't for the small paycheck and the fact that AmeriCorps workers are no longer being hired to work at the Marin literacy programs I was a part of, I'd still be a member of that organization in a heartbeat.
Now that I'm back to job hunting, it means I'm back to square one in a lot of ways, including getting out of my parents' house and finding my own place to live. My girlfriend has snagged an interview for a job, and my sister is working, so that's fantastic. But I'm not working - at least not for pay. And it's hard, but even when this particular situation had nothing to do with my skills or my enthusiasm as an educator - only the petty, private reasoning of some snobby staff and faculty probably pushed down by the giant hand of wealthy, picky parenting or higher-level workers - I can't help feeling like I am doing nothing but failing in the working world.
I know that's not true. Everyone I know, including my former AmeriCorps regional supervisor (bless his heart), has told me that it's not true. I just wish I could believe it.
And in spite of all this difficulty in a mere week, I have discovered who my real friends are, and I am grateful and very, very lucky to have so many loving, compassionate, and helpful people in my life. These are the people who remind me of what I have to offer to schools and students. They support me as I write, work in music, and socialize. They assist me when I need it, and they push me forward when I'm too anxious to do anything myself. Heck, even my former choral director is interested in having me do some work for her in terms of managing and promoting the Marin Girls Chorus in terms of social networking and music organization. That's awesome. It means I'll stay productive while looking for a full-time job, and I'll have more experience in other administrative-ish things as I progress in my professional life. I thank her for that opportunity.
This is going to be an uphill climb (something I'm very much used to after a mere two years out of college), but things are going to work out for me.
I will be a teacher. I will be a hardworking, thoughtful, passionate teacher.
No amount of bureaucratic bullshit is going to stop me in that journey.
Teacher's Quotation of the Night:
[Kids] don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.
- Jim Henson
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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