Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
All right, let's look at how the job search has been going so far, shall we?
Within a week, I have applied to a multitude of jobs with little to no response, been offered a substitute paraeducator job mistakenly and then had it revoked because communication broke down and they hired someone else before they hired me, been prepping for a walk-in interview at a bookstore, and re-applied for AmeriCorps, even though I'm late in the game because I had no idea they had a job in Marin, and I would have to struggle with a smaller income.
The only guarantee I have, right now, is an orientation date on Wednesday for a retail job.
Yep. I may just be regressing work-wise to 2008, becoming a cashier.
It's like I said last week: I'm not keen on leaving the education field, even if only temporarily. That's why I've been clawing for any kind of education job, even just a part-time after school gig, even if it pays me less money. Being able to both write and teach, while still singing and performing, is the blood and soul of my life. To have even one of those disappear, for a month or a year or a decade, is really painful.
It really is all about adapting. I would be lying if I said I could easily handle change. Sometimes, though, I wish I could be a little more tolerant of new adventures and new challenges.
It's not that I don't get challenged daily. Writing itself is a challenge. Job hunting is a challenge. Trying to make more friends when most of my companions are in another part of the state is a challenge. Finding an apartment is a challenge. Maintaining a healthy relationship with the love of my life is a challenge. But those challenges have all been contained, really, in this small, comfortable bubble, where I don't have to move much and I don't have to branch out too far. Obviously, I'm not lunging onto a brand new career path or moving to an entirely different county or state. I'm not getting married any time soon, and I'm not buying a house, and I'm not making any daring financial decisions besides, I don't know, trying to gain independence.
But it would be nice, really, to be able to confront those kind of challenges more daringly - in order to make the smaller challenges more palatable. Like, say, taking on a cashier job five years after the last time I managed a register.
Adaptation is the key word I'm striking at tonight as I try to expand upon this introspection. And really, I may have to leave it at that. Whether I go back to old grounds with less money, try something new for more money, or find my life completely reformatted is a part of adaptation. Eventually, my bubble will burst, and I will be exposed, for the first time, to things I never thought I'd get remotely close to. That scares me when it should invigorate me. I'm hoping that, ultimately, the fear will morph into something extraordinary and adrenaline-rushing, and I will love every minute of it.
Writer's Quotation of the Night:
I write differently from what I speak, I speak differently from what I think, I think differently from the way I ought to think, and so it all proceeds into deepest darkness.
Within a week, I have applied to a multitude of jobs with little to no response, been offered a substitute paraeducator job mistakenly and then had it revoked because communication broke down and they hired someone else before they hired me, been prepping for a walk-in interview at a bookstore, and re-applied for AmeriCorps, even though I'm late in the game because I had no idea they had a job in Marin, and I would have to struggle with a smaller income.
The only guarantee I have, right now, is an orientation date on Wednesday for a retail job.
Yep. I may just be regressing work-wise to 2008, becoming a cashier.
It's like I said last week: I'm not keen on leaving the education field, even if only temporarily. That's why I've been clawing for any kind of education job, even just a part-time after school gig, even if it pays me less money. Being able to both write and teach, while still singing and performing, is the blood and soul of my life. To have even one of those disappear, for a month or a year or a decade, is really painful.
It really is all about adapting. I would be lying if I said I could easily handle change. Sometimes, though, I wish I could be a little more tolerant of new adventures and new challenges.
It's not that I don't get challenged daily. Writing itself is a challenge. Job hunting is a challenge. Trying to make more friends when most of my companions are in another part of the state is a challenge. Finding an apartment is a challenge. Maintaining a healthy relationship with the love of my life is a challenge. But those challenges have all been contained, really, in this small, comfortable bubble, where I don't have to move much and I don't have to branch out too far. Obviously, I'm not lunging onto a brand new career path or moving to an entirely different county or state. I'm not getting married any time soon, and I'm not buying a house, and I'm not making any daring financial decisions besides, I don't know, trying to gain independence.
But it would be nice, really, to be able to confront those kind of challenges more daringly - in order to make the smaller challenges more palatable. Like, say, taking on a cashier job five years after the last time I managed a register.
Adaptation is the key word I'm striking at tonight as I try to expand upon this introspection. And really, I may have to leave it at that. Whether I go back to old grounds with less money, try something new for more money, or find my life completely reformatted is a part of adaptation. Eventually, my bubble will burst, and I will be exposed, for the first time, to things I never thought I'd get remotely close to. That scares me when it should invigorate me. I'm hoping that, ultimately, the fear will morph into something extraordinary and adrenaline-rushing, and I will love every minute of it.
Writer's Quotation of the Night:
I write differently from what I speak, I speak differently from what I think, I think differently from the way I ought to think, and so it all proceeds into deepest darkness.
- Franz Kafka
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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