Saturday's Storyteller: "Children: fresh, ripe, vegan."

by Belinda Roddie

Children: Fresh, Ripe, Vegan

That was what the sign said outside the small grocery store, where Delta Abrams went to speak with the person in charge. That person, in question, was Farley Dexter Mantel IX, whose father, the VIII, had recently died in a freak fork accident in the kitchen.

"I have a complaint regarding your product," Delta declared.

Farley looked up from where he was cutting pretty airglossed ladies out of a magazine and wrinkled his nose. "Concerning...?"

"False advertising." The woman thrust her finger at the sign. "You say that the children you sell are vegan."

"They are."

"Bull. They're children."

"I understand that," said Farley.

Delta tried very hard to control her temper. "They're meat, for God's sake!"

The store owner frowned. "I don't follow."

"Children! Flesh! Meat!" Delta spat. "Imagine a poor vegan eating one of those children and finding bones!"

"Flesh and bo - " Something seemed to click. "Ohhhh! No! No, no, no! You're mistaken!"

"How so?"

Farley set aside his scissors and ran a hand across his curly hair. "It's caused some confusion, I see. No, I don't call real children vegan, that's barbaric. No, I sell vegan Children. With a capital C."

"The difference?"

"They're succulent vegetables with finger-like sprouts and two sides flushed like cheeks," Farley replied. "So they look like children. So I call them Children."

"That's...rather confusing."

Farley stared at her. "Would you rather eat actual children, meat and all?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," Delta said, her face finally brightening. "Do you have them in the frozen section?"

This week's prompt was provided by Daniel Bulone.