Saturday's Storyteller: "My porn name is Work Bourbon."

by Belinda Roddie

My porn name is Work Bourbon. The obvious reason: I work for bourbon.

Honestly, I don't need the porn job. My inheritance from my grandfather is substantial enough to pay the rent and groceries every month. However, since whiskey has to be fucking expensive as all Hell, I'd rather do something to get as much of it as possible in a career path I can handle. So, naturally, there's the name.

I've been in the porno production business for six years now. I only work with clean people; no STDs allowed on my set. I always show up intoxicated - it's the rule, and it makes my scenes, in my opinion, more natural. My main revolutionary role was playing the very first pizza woman in a popular lesbian porno, and not the kind made for straight men either. It was legit, for-lesbians, by-lesbians porn.

My long-time girlfriend has gotten used to the reality of my work. She appreciates that I have enough learned sexual maneuvers to last a lifetime in bed. She's typically as drunk as I am, just on different booze. I'll be cracking open the honey bourbon, and she'll be pouring the daiquiris. I don't mind. She's beautiful. And she's got a wicked sense of humor which only gets better the more I drink.

Los Angeles knows all about me. My best friend is a burlesque dancer who I nearly sued for using the name Labor Jameson (Of course, that was before the Jameson Distillery submitted a cease and desist letter). Now she's Labor Jack (for Jack Daniel's, but more subtle, to avoid the lawsuits). I'm always sealing a gig, even when my breath is pungent and smells like the bathroom floor of a hole-in-the-wall bar.

And, as of yesterday, I am two inches closer to a full mental breakdown.

This week's prompt was provided by Daniel Bulone.