Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
It's been one Hell of a week. I started my second summer class, fretted over my shortened hours, scowled at my very small paycheck, and overall was just generally anxious.
This is sort of my life at this point. It's an endless roller coaster of happy times versus the heavy realization that my situation, at this point, is not ideal. Yes, obviously I am happy with my family, fiancée, and group of friends. That hasn't changed. But the other words beginning with f - my financial situation, my frenzied perspective on the world and its problems, my frequent bouts of anxiety - those are prevalent. And they especially flared up this week. I actually cried in my fiancée's arms when a class was dropped from my fall teaching credential schedule and I had to scramble to get another class so my grants would go through and I could, I don't know, actually afford going to school.
The ups and downs do affect my writing in a lot of ways. I have noticed that when I am not feeling comfortable with my status in terms of money, reputation, or even physical appearance, my writing just declines. In contrast, today, when I was less preoccupied with said items of my existence, I finished the first chapter of a brand new novel. While this does bring the number of incomplete novels I have to three, it does mean I'm working, and it also means that I could even switch off in case I grew emotionally exhausted by any of my projects.
At this point, it's all about moving forward. I know it may compromise my writing a bit, but I am mostly focused on my job and my teaching credential. It happens - priorities shift, energy is compartmentalized, and creative work takes its role on the backburner compared to classes and studies. I'll make it through. I have the people around to support me and keep me strong, and I know, no matter what happens, how incredibly lucky I am. I won't forget that.
Writer's Quotation of the Month:
In order to be created, a work of art must first make use of the dark forces of the soul.
This is sort of my life at this point. It's an endless roller coaster of happy times versus the heavy realization that my situation, at this point, is not ideal. Yes, obviously I am happy with my family, fiancée, and group of friends. That hasn't changed. But the other words beginning with f - my financial situation, my frenzied perspective on the world and its problems, my frequent bouts of anxiety - those are prevalent. And they especially flared up this week. I actually cried in my fiancée's arms when a class was dropped from my fall teaching credential schedule and I had to scramble to get another class so my grants would go through and I could, I don't know, actually afford going to school.
The ups and downs do affect my writing in a lot of ways. I have noticed that when I am not feeling comfortable with my status in terms of money, reputation, or even physical appearance, my writing just declines. In contrast, today, when I was less preoccupied with said items of my existence, I finished the first chapter of a brand new novel. While this does bring the number of incomplete novels I have to three, it does mean I'm working, and it also means that I could even switch off in case I grew emotionally exhausted by any of my projects.
At this point, it's all about moving forward. I know it may compromise my writing a bit, but I am mostly focused on my job and my teaching credential. It happens - priorities shift, energy is compartmentalized, and creative work takes its role on the backburner compared to classes and studies. I'll make it through. I have the people around to support me and keep me strong, and I know, no matter what happens, how incredibly lucky I am. I won't forget that.
Writer's Quotation of the Month:
In order to be created, a work of art must first make use of the dark forces of the soul.
- Albert Camus
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
Comments
Post a Comment