Saturday's Storyteller: "I always told you not to take phone calls when you didn't know who it was coming from."

by Belinda Roddie

"I always told you not to take phone calls when you didn't know who it was coming from."

"Uh-huh."

"But noooooo. You just had to pick up the phone anyway."

"Uh-huh."

"Twice."

"Yep."

"For the same number."

"Dude, chill. It's not like he was a Nigerian prince."

"He was a scammer!"

"Yeah, and it was fucking hilarious."

"John."

"I mean, c'mon, man! It was like he forgot he called me the first time! 'Excuse me, sir, did you know that there is a virus in your Windows?'"

"Yeah, and you made the same joke to him, too. Both times."

"He didn't seem to get it, though."

"How in the world do you think that's fun?"

"Because I love making people squirm! You know that, Aaron!"

"Oh, I do. All too well."

"I think if the guy calls again, I'll just start reading from Tolkien or something."

"No."

"Or maybe Ulysses. Some James Joyce would sober him up, wouldn't it?"

"That would have the opposite effect."

"Ooh, even better! Nabokov's Lolita. I'll read all the awkward, inappropriate parts and see how fast it takes for him to hang up!"

"You have way too much fun with this shit, John."

"Yeah, well, that's because you have too little fun by comparison. Makes my fun seem all the more exaggerated."

"You're very verbose for having three strawberry daiquiris."

"Want one, dude? I've still got some crushed ice."

"I'll pass. I'm not in the mood for anything fruity."

"Oh?"

"What?"

"Not even me?"

"...Don't give yourself that much credit."

"..."

"I'm just saying, you're not that fruity."

"..."

"What."

"..."

"What."

"It's a historical night."

"Um."

"Aaron, for the first time ever, you have responded to a crack at my homosexuality without wincing or shouting, 'Damn it, John!'"

"Er...I guess not."

"I'm so proud of you!"

"Uh..."

"Come give your Uncle John a big congratulatory hug!"

"Okay, now that just makes it more awkward!"

"All right, all right. No hints of incest. Give your big gay friend John a hug instead."

"Better."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well?"

"I'm not hugging you."

"Aaroooooon!"

"Not when you smell like an orchard."

"But I smell so goooood!"

"Put on some manly cologne and then I'll hug you! Like a bro!"

"Some day, Aaron...some day, you'll find the rug outside the closet so much more comfy between your toes..."

"That's it. Get me a strawberry daiquiri. My beer isn't strong enough to blank this out of my memory."

"Comfy, Aaron! Comfyyyyyy!"

"Aaaaand that's my cue to further intoxicate myself! Glass! Now!"

"Get too drunk, and I'm making you answer any unknown calls I get."

"No!"

"That's not a threat, Aaron. That's a warning!"

"Knock it off!"

This week's prompt was provided by Kyle Oathout.