Saturday's Storyteller: "So I ran into Krampus at the pool hall."

by Belinda Roddie

"So I ran into Krampus at the pool hall."

"Oh?"

"Well, obviously not the real Krampus. Some guy dressed like him. He said he wanted to stir up Santa Con."

"And did he succeed?"

"Let's just say he got lots of photos taken with crying children."

"Hold on. Let me see if I've got this right. Krampus is sort of a German anti-Santa devil who cuts off bad children's toes, right?"

"Well, no. I mean, sometimes he swats them with birch or a whip. Other times he brings a bathtub to cart the kids to Hell. Or drown, or eat, or something."

"...A bathtub?"

"Not everyone can afford a limo, Aaron. Just saying."

"You make it sound like I can afford a limo."

"Well, with your Christmas bonus, maybe we can hire one. Cheers."

"There's plenty of rum in this egg nog, isn't there?"

"More rum than nog, my friend."

"I'll take it. Merry Christmas, John."

"And you as well."

"...So this Krampus guy..."

"Yeah?"

"He can't be any creepier than the actual Santa, can he?"

"You're actually comparing them?"

"Well, I mean, with Santa, y'know...'He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...'"

"That's not devil status, though, dude."

"No, but it's definitely eerie NSA level."

"I'd rather have a fat elf spy on me than Krampus whip my ass and drown me in a tub."

"Fair enough."

"...Though I wouldn't mind you whipping me..."

"You have had a lot more egg nog than I have, haven't you?"

"Took you this long to find out, huh?"

"You seemed more coherent than usual."

"While talking about Krampus? Man, I must be out of my mind when I'm drunk."

"Need I remind you of the dingo vision?"

"Ah. Good times."

"...Hey, John."

"Yeah, Aaron?"

"Whoa."

"...Did you just...?"

"Yep."

"Were you trying to be - "

"Keanu Reeves, yes."

"...Was that throwback humor?"

"Yes, it was."

"...Marry me right now."

"Not before I have my egg nog."

This week's prompt was provided by Daniel Bulone. Merry Christmas, everyone!