Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
A few weeks ago, I mentioned how I was going to start doing a lot more with myself to progress in my careers and my passions. I mentioned book blurbing, teaching, seeking a secondary job, writing, reading, the works. I was very determined to put things into action, and for a while, I did, improving my productivity while reducing a lot of my anxiety.
This week - and it's more a weird feeling than a bad one - everything's just sort of...slowed down.
A couple of times, when asked how my life's been, I've confessed that I don't have much to talk about. True, that can be a good thing - no news is better than bad news. But as a part of my personality, I revel in being able to tell new stories and explore new ideas. When I mentioned how tired I was last introspection, I wasn't kidding - I had done a lot physically and mentally. Hell, since December, I've put myself into an exercise regimen and have already started toning up. I actually have some biceps now!
This week, however, was one more of ennui than relaxation. I barely got any writing done, Even during parts of last week, I was guilty of laziness and lethargy. I know I have all the tools to fix it. I know what I want to do, and I understand that, while downtime is good, I can't let myself let go of habits so easily. Things can slow down, but it shouldn't feel like my life has become comatose.
I had a particularly weird day emotionally today, and while lying on the bed with my fiancée for some cuddles, I started talking about how my anxieties about the end of the world (or at least humanity as we know it) partially spawned from the idea that I didn't want to be without her. This led into a conversation about the afterlife, and whether or not we can have control over any existence after death. I mentioned my maternal grandmother, who I never got to meet, and how I always glorified the idea of an afterlife being similar to the life I already had, but with more people, people I never got to met or love. Arden mentioned that, of course, there's no harm in thinking there could be more, though we both concluded that we had to keep living this life simultaneously as if we had little time left or all the time in the world. Which is a confusing and conflicting solution, but one that oddly makes sense.
I think tomorrow, I'll try to forgive myself if I take it easy, and Sunday, I work a full shift. Monday will be when I kick my ass a bit more in terms of working out, getting onto a sub list, and finding more work. A coworker of mine mentioned today how she is inspired by people in the city we work in being so passionate about fixing parts of the city that don't work. If I'm going to make my life start moving again, I have to have that similar passion.
And that's that. Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
This week - and it's more a weird feeling than a bad one - everything's just sort of...slowed down.
A couple of times, when asked how my life's been, I've confessed that I don't have much to talk about. True, that can be a good thing - no news is better than bad news. But as a part of my personality, I revel in being able to tell new stories and explore new ideas. When I mentioned how tired I was last introspection, I wasn't kidding - I had done a lot physically and mentally. Hell, since December, I've put myself into an exercise regimen and have already started toning up. I actually have some biceps now!
This week, however, was one more of ennui than relaxation. I barely got any writing done, Even during parts of last week, I was guilty of laziness and lethargy. I know I have all the tools to fix it. I know what I want to do, and I understand that, while downtime is good, I can't let myself let go of habits so easily. Things can slow down, but it shouldn't feel like my life has become comatose.
I had a particularly weird day emotionally today, and while lying on the bed with my fiancée for some cuddles, I started talking about how my anxieties about the end of the world (or at least humanity as we know it) partially spawned from the idea that I didn't want to be without her. This led into a conversation about the afterlife, and whether or not we can have control over any existence after death. I mentioned my maternal grandmother, who I never got to meet, and how I always glorified the idea of an afterlife being similar to the life I already had, but with more people, people I never got to met or love. Arden mentioned that, of course, there's no harm in thinking there could be more, though we both concluded that we had to keep living this life simultaneously as if we had little time left or all the time in the world. Which is a confusing and conflicting solution, but one that oddly makes sense.
I think tomorrow, I'll try to forgive myself if I take it easy, and Sunday, I work a full shift. Monday will be when I kick my ass a bit more in terms of working out, getting onto a sub list, and finding more work. A coworker of mine mentioned today how she is inspired by people in the city we work in being so passionate about fixing parts of the city that don't work. If I'm going to make my life start moving again, I have to have that similar passion.
And that's that. Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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