Saturday's Storyteller: "His rhymes are so safe he should be called Bubble Rap."

by Belinda Roddie

"His rhymes are so safe he should be called Bubble Rap."

"No."

"Seriously, I mean, he doesn't even throw a jab. Let's call him No Punchline."

"No."

"Oh, no, wait! How about this? His rhymes are so dull, we'll call him Mister Blunt."

"No."

"Get it? 'Cause he smokes weed, too!"

"If you think your cousin is such a shitty rapper, why the Hell are we going to his gigs?"

"Gee, I dunno, Aaron - 'cause I love him and stuff?"

"I just don't get it."

"Hey, man. I get you're not a rap fan."

"What?"

"You're not a rap fan. Obviously. I mean, my cousin? Rap's his life. I'll make fun of him, but - "

"What makes you think I'm not a rap fan?"

"I-I dunno. I've never heard you listen to rap?"

"Is it because I'm Asian?"

"What?"

"Is it because I'm Asian, John?"

"No! Fuck, where'd you get that idea?"

"Well, you said I wasn't a 'rap fan,' so..."

"I have never heard you listening to fucking rap!"

"Well, I mean, I thought..."

"The fuck does this have to do with race?"

"I don't know. Sorry...?"

"So what, should I accuse you of saying I only like rap 'cause I'm black?"

"No!"

"That's what I thought."

"Okay. All right. I'm sorry."

"Uh-huh."

"Clearly I need more wine."

"Yes, you do. Chardonnay or Pinot?"

"Good old red, please."

"So..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you like rap, or not?"

"Well, I mean, some of it."

"But not my cousin's."

"Definitely not your cousin's."

"All right, fair enough. ...Aaron?"

"Yeah?"

"I could try rapping."

"Oh, God, no."

"Honestly, I could do better than Ray."

"Oh, please, dude, no."

"So hey, here's the story of two drunk guys - "

"No."

"Chugging boozy in the hoozy with our unzipped flies - "

"C'mon."

"I'm bettin' we'll sweatin' in this summer humidity - "

"Geez."

"But you'll be sweatin' lots more when you're done having fun with me."

"...Really?"

"Yep!"

"Really?"

"You like having fun with me, dude. Don't forget that."

"Yeah. Uh-huh."

"Don't deny it."

"Fine. ...Okay, your freestyling wasn't bad."

"I know, right?"

"Better hobby than drinking."

"Sure."

"Can't call you Li'l John, though."

"Nope. Already taken."

"...Know what you rap name is, dude?"

"What?"

"Big Gay Al."

"Aw, c'mon!"

"Embrace it, Johnny boy! Embrace it!"

"Gimme the wine! Now you've had too much!"

"Embrace it, my little homeboy!"

"Damn it, Aaron!"

"Ha! You said it this time! Not me! I win!"

"Or you lose!"

"Victory shall be mine!"

"Noooooo!"

This week's prompt was provided by Daniel Bulone.