Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
I have been very busy lately. Busy to the point of having no days off. Busy to the point in which I have to turn down hours from one job in order to get to assigned hours for another. Busy to the point in which I am not reading and reviewing as much, or writing as much. Busy to the point of confusion, yet oddly enough, also to the point of a bizarre satisfaction, a strange enjoyment of the fact that my schedule, for the first time in a while, is almost packed.
And keep in mind, this is before my teaching credential program has even restarted.
I bought a planner recently because for the first time, I was messing up my schedule. I was missing appointments, forgetting about favors I was going to do for family, and mucking up meeting times. Pretty soon, I might even use my smartphone to keep track of my calendar. Despite the fact that my teaching job is supposed to be somewhat calming down in order to prepare for the fall semester and for my teaching credential, in the last two weeks, I have received numerous students whose parents want them to cram in a bit more tutoring time before the school year officially starts. Not that I blame them, nor am I complaining. But it is a lot to handle.
One thing that has been driven into my head over and over is the need for self-care. I'm starting to worry that I am letting that slide a little bit in my life. I've been losing weight, but partially because I'm not eating three meals every day. I've been sleeping, but not as much as I should be. I've been reading, but the sheer amount of preparation I have to do for everything in my life is holding me back. I said to my mother on the phone the other day, "I think I can do all this...but I'm scared that I won't be able to." That fear holds true now.
I've talked about this anxiety also with my fiancée, to whom I owe a great deal of gratitude for supporting me as I've returned to school, worked very part-time, gotten a new job, and continued my passions. She has helped me pay rent, has covered other costs, and has otherwise been the most supportive person I've ever had the fortune of falling in love with. Tonight, when I asked her, "You've done so much for me so I can do what I love. When will I be able to do the same for you?" she reminded me that 1. she was doing what she loved, and 2. one day, I would be able to allow her to go more full-time in terms of being a graphic designer and content creator. More importantly, she believes that I can do this, that I can take on the challenges of school and two jobs I love and not only get through this year, but also succeed during it.
So I'm going to try. By God, I will try. Because I love everything I have committed to and I know that by the end of May next year, I will have accomplished so much. I will have obtained my teaching credential, worked over two years at my bookstore, finished one year at my teaching job, and planned for my wedding that, by that point, would be happening in five months.
It's only one year. I can handle one year.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
And keep in mind, this is before my teaching credential program has even restarted.
I bought a planner recently because for the first time, I was messing up my schedule. I was missing appointments, forgetting about favors I was going to do for family, and mucking up meeting times. Pretty soon, I might even use my smartphone to keep track of my calendar. Despite the fact that my teaching job is supposed to be somewhat calming down in order to prepare for the fall semester and for my teaching credential, in the last two weeks, I have received numerous students whose parents want them to cram in a bit more tutoring time before the school year officially starts. Not that I blame them, nor am I complaining. But it is a lot to handle.
One thing that has been driven into my head over and over is the need for self-care. I'm starting to worry that I am letting that slide a little bit in my life. I've been losing weight, but partially because I'm not eating three meals every day. I've been sleeping, but not as much as I should be. I've been reading, but the sheer amount of preparation I have to do for everything in my life is holding me back. I said to my mother on the phone the other day, "I think I can do all this...but I'm scared that I won't be able to." That fear holds true now.
I've talked about this anxiety also with my fiancée, to whom I owe a great deal of gratitude for supporting me as I've returned to school, worked very part-time, gotten a new job, and continued my passions. She has helped me pay rent, has covered other costs, and has otherwise been the most supportive person I've ever had the fortune of falling in love with. Tonight, when I asked her, "You've done so much for me so I can do what I love. When will I be able to do the same for you?" she reminded me that 1. she was doing what she loved, and 2. one day, I would be able to allow her to go more full-time in terms of being a graphic designer and content creator. More importantly, she believes that I can do this, that I can take on the challenges of school and two jobs I love and not only get through this year, but also succeed during it.
So I'm going to try. By God, I will try. Because I love everything I have committed to and I know that by the end of May next year, I will have accomplished so much. I will have obtained my teaching credential, worked over two years at my bookstore, finished one year at my teaching job, and planned for my wedding that, by that point, would be happening in five months.
It's only one year. I can handle one year.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
Comments
Post a Comment