Saturday's Storyteller: "That stuff on your face makes you look like an alien."

by Belinda Roddie

"That stuff on your face makes you look like an alien."

"Yeah, well, your face makes you look like your face!"

"Yeah. Very classy, John."

"Look, it's exfoliating cream, okay? It's supposed to clean my pores."

"Right. And you're smearing it all over the lip of your beer bottle."

"It's not that close to my mouth!"

"The bottle would disagree."

"Aaron. I've got terrible acne. Like, fucking horrid. I look like Deadpool over here."

"No, you don't."

"Sure I do. I'm gonna be all scarred up just like him."

"I knew I shouldn't have taken you to see that movie."

"I'm going to buy myself some katanas, too!"

"Another reason why I shouldn't have taken you to see it."

"Hey. Katanas are awesome, dude. I figured you'd be cool with that."

"Why would I be cool with...John! Come the fuck on!"

"Sorry. Was that racist? Oh, God, that was racist."

"Damn right, it was racist!"

"Sorry, dude. Sometimes I forget you're Asian."

"You FORGET?!"

"Ah, Christ, man. Look. Gimme a second to extract each toe from between my teeth."

"...What?"

"Because my black foot is in my black mouth."

"Ah. Gotcha."

"...Sometimes you're unintentionally racist toward me, you know."

"Am not."

"Remember your hip hop comments?"

"Shut up!"

"Shit."

"What."

"You were right about the cream, man. Now my beer tastes like pimple elixir."

"Lovely."

"Let me wash my face off and we can continue this conversation."

"I didn't realize exfoliating lotion was green."

"It's teal, thank you very much. And I find it to be quite aesthetically pleasing."

"Uh-huh."

"Just like my face is gonna be."

"Uh-huh."

"When I'm done exfoliating it."

"Right. Well, when you come back from Planet Johnabar, I'll get you another beer."

"You'll get me some katanas and a red spandex suit, is what you'll do."

"So now you're an alien, and you want to be an anti-superhero."

"Dude! Two of my main goals in life!"

"And the third is being a pain in my ass?"

"Now, you know I'm gentle."

"Oh, GOD, FORGET I SAID ANYTHING! DAMN IT!"

"Kisses, boo!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Kilzer.