Saturday's Storyteller: "Wine is the best defense against goblins."

by Belinda Roddie

"Wine is the best defense against goblins."

"Is it, now?"

"Oh, yeah. If you look at all the right sources, you'll find that fermented grapes are their biggest weakness. Splash some Cabernet in their faces, and they'll recoil like they've been burned by acid."

"...You're saying this because you didn't like the bottle of wine I picked up from the store, aren't you?"

"It's not a good wine!"

"Look, I know you're finicky with your Cabs, but..."

"You should understand my picky palate, Aaron."

"Oh, I do."

"Do you?"

"Yep. I understand that you can never be satisfied."

"Hey, I'm a connoisseur!"

"You're a snob."

"Same thing!"

"Um, no."

"Look it up in the thesaurus."

"Sure. Is that the same place where you did your goblin research?"

"Oh, fuck off."

"Never. You're stuck with me."

"So why did you get that shitty wine, anyway?"

"It was cheap?"

"Uuuugggghhh."

"And I happen to like that 'shitty wine,' thank you very much."

"Only because you haven't been properly trained."

"Oh, dear Lord..."

"Succumb to the red side, my young apprentice..."

"Shut up."

"Hey, once you get the right bottle, your whole world will change, man."

"Will it?"

"Fuck, yes. You'll never see life the same way again."

"Only you would see alcohol as a cataclysm for dramatic human events, John."

"That's because I'm an intellectual!"

"Are you sure it's not just your need to go to AA?"

"Oh, c'mon, dude! I'm not an alcoholic!"

"Not yet, anyway."

"Dude!"

"All right, all right."

"Chill, man."

"All right, I'll chill. Sorry."

"..."

"..."

"Sooooooo."

"Yeah?"

"Did they just not have my favorite wine in stock or something?"

"...Yeah, those bastards ran out."

"I KNEW IT! Aaron! We must avenge my favorite Cabernet!"

"What."

"Man the battle stations! This means war."

"No, John."

"Kill the goblins!"

"There are no goblins."

"Prepare the catapults!"

"There are no catapults."

"Awww, what?"

"Yeah. Not in the budget, dude."

"Well...can we at least check the liquor store downtown?"

"You really want to drive out there to find your oh-so-special bottle of Cab?"

"Um...yes?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...All right, man. Let's go."

"Yes! I love that you're such a softy."

"Don't get used to it."

"And so cuddly!"

"Damn it, John!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Kilzer.