Saturday's Storyteller: "Why did you spread peanut butter with THAT?!"

by Belinda Roddie

"Why did you spread peanut butter with that?!"

"All the knives are in the dishwasher."

"Okay, but why did you spread it with that?!"

"Because forks and spoons don't do a good enough job."

"Yeah, but why did you spread it with THAT?!"

"...You seem offended, Aaron."

"That is fine silver!"

"Looks dull as Hell to me."

"I haven't polished it in five years!"

"Not doing a good job taking care of stuff, then, are you?"

"I inherited it from my grandmother!"

"I'm sure she'll forgive you."

"She's DEAD!"

"...Oh."

"HOW ELSE WOULD I HAVE INHERITED IT FROM HER?!"

"Well, uh...she could've given it to you early!"

"That's not how inheritance works, John."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"...I mean, we can always wash it off."

"It's the principle of the thing."

"Oh, give me a break!"

"Give you a break? You're the one who spread peanut butter with an antique cake knife!"

"Were you going to cut any cake with it?"

"Well, no, but - "

"Exactly. And the sheer beauty of this giant blade is perfect for ultimate peanut butter spreading."

"..."

"Ultimate Peanut Butter Spreading."

"..."

"ULTIMATE - "

"No. Stop it. Heard you the first time."

"Look, I'll clean the cake knife. I'll even polish it. Sound good?"

"Not while you're having your classy dinner of PB&J and Kentucky bourbon."

"Oh, boo. I'm trying to help."

"Also, have fun eating that sandwich after it's been touched by a dirty, tarnished utensil."

"..."

"..."

"...Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, that's gross."

"Smart thinking, John."

"Don't judge me! I was thinking from a survivalist's perspective!"

"Oh, really? Here's another survivalist idea - fetch a dirty knife from the dishwasher and wash it in the sink."

"But that would have taken effoooooort!"

"...Just eat your sandwich and drink your whiskey, dude."

"Oh, I'll drink my whiskey, all right."

"No sandwich?"

"I'll give it to Zelda."

"Do not give the cat that PB&J."

"She'll love it!"

"No!"

"Let her live a little, Aaron!"

"I will sooner smash that sandwich in your face!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...And then you'd lick it off?"

"GODDAMN IT, JOHN!"

This week's prompt was provided by Allie Kilzer.