Saturday's Storyteller: "I’m just saying, I think gummy sharks should taste like blood, not gelatin."

by Belinda Roddie

"I’m just saying, I think gummy sharks should taste like blood, not gelatin."

"Why the Hell would you want that?"

"It just makes it realistic, that's all."

"...Realistic? To taste shark blood?"

"I mean, have you had it? Maybe it's not bad."

"...In a Mai Tai?"

"Would it not truly be the Hawaii experience?"

"No!"

"Hmmm. I guess you're right."

"Thank you."

"Because gummy sharks chill around Australia."

"..."

"Not Hawaii. Yeah, I got my geography fucked up."

"..."

"Their meat's called 'flake' in Southern Australia. Did you know that?"

"John."

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"I'm talking 'bout gummy sharks, dude! Like, for real gummy sharks!"

"So we're not talking about the candy?"

"Nope."

"We're not talking about the thing you had floating in your cocktail at dinner?"

"No, I'm talking legit gummy sharks, man. They're brutal. They're known for crushing their prey."

"..."

"Crushing them, Aaron. With their teeth."

"...You're not fucking with me."

"No. No, dude, I'm dead serious."

"Uh-huh."

"I am! Look it up!"

"Uh-huuuuh."

"It's on Wikipedia, man!"

"Okay. Okay, dude. I hear you."

"Thank you."

"I still don't know why you'd want to taste the stuff in your Mai Tai, though."

"What can I say? I like living life on the edge."

"...Now that's fucking funny."

"Don't laugh at me."

"But you're hilarious."

"Don't laugh at me!"

"John. Last time I checked, your definition of 'living life on the edge' was drinking an entire bottle of peach and pecan flavored whiskey and going bowling. Without wearing bowling shoes."

"Peach and pecan whiskey is fucking delicious, man."

"And of course, that's the part of my sentence you cling onto."

"Yep!"

"You fucking alkie."

"Hey, for your information, I've cut back a lot."

"So I've noticed. Now, about that 'living life on the edge' nonsense..."

"Just let me swim with the gummy sharks, Aaron!"

"I would not recommend that."

"Then let me eat them."

"Dude!"

"Okay, okay. Then get me a bag of the gummy shark candy from the drugstore next chance you get, and I'll pretend I'm some alpha predator. Cool?"

"...Sure, man. Whatever makes you happy."

"Thanks. How about another Mai Tai, huh?"

"We don't have rum in the house."

"You're the worst boyfriend ever."

"I'm the best you'll ever get."

This week's prompt was provided by Jocelyn Morton.