Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
I have a lot of friends in a lot of different places. When I graduated from Chapman University, I had to say goodbye to several people I was close with, as they would still be living in Southern California. For the next almost six years after that - two years living with my parents and almost four years living in a city south of my hometown - I was able to stabilize a friend group. Sure, acquaintances and coworkers of mine came and went as I changed jobs and did my credential program, but there was always a home base of sorts to return to.
It's been almost a year since I moved to my new town, and now I've left an entirely different group behind in my former county. It's weird, man.
Here's the thing: Technically, I'm not that far away from some of my buddies. Technically. While the distance is small, the process of getting around is not. Traffic to my hometown is almost always abysmal. It takes a ton of money and effort for me to get into a city like San Francisco or San Jose. While I do still get to visit family and friends, it's a day trip, not just a night out. It definitely changes things about my social circle, and for the first six months or so of living in my new place, I really didn't have anyone to hang out with except my wife and occasionally my brother - who's a cool guy, but he works a lot and isn't always available to chill.
Now, my wife is awesome - I won't deny that. I truly consider her to be my best friend. But we need breaks from each other. It's natural. It's healthy. We need to be able to do our own thing and interact with our own groups. It's just more difficult.
And the truth is, the distance is only becoming wider. My sister and my brother-in-law have been far away for a while now - first in Philadelphia, now in Long Island. Many of my college friends are still in Southern California, but some have moved north or to the east coast. Hell, one of my groomsman now lives in Virginia with his wife - that was a huge transition for him. And while some of my friends keep in contact with me or are even debating moving up to my area before it becomes unaffordable, others just poke me once in a while on social media, or I poke them. There's a natural drift, a separation after a while when direct communication and interaction is at a standstill.
I get that such a thing is inevitable. Which is why I'm glad to see some other friends of mine now live locally so I can rebuild a closer circle.
My wife was in a play with a great guy, and he recently bought a house in a nearby neighborhood with his wife. We've been able to hang out a few times now - having breakfast, going to a jelly bean factory, and even getting ice cream at almost ten o'clock at night. Tonight, we got to go to our second high school improv show together. It's just really cool to be able to know and socialize with people who we can consider good friends. It's valuable to me.
As an extrovert, I need human interaction on a daily basis in order to keep my energy up. Sometimes, yes, being a teacher and working with both students and staff is enough for me to want to stay home after work. Other times, though? It's nice to break free. To grab dinner or a drink with a pal. To catch up and tell stories and ponder over my day and my goals with someone who I don't see every day. To be able to be open with them and maybe get support or advice from them, which can be refreshing compared to stuff you hear from family or other loved ones. To be able to collaborate with someone who inspires me to be a better writer, performer, or musician. It's one of the reasons why I hope one of my best friends - who also happened to be the best man at my wedding - can move up north sooner rather than later.
We'll see what happens. It's like the cheesy song I learned as a girl scout: "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other's gold." I want to make sure I can make new friends while also holding on to relationships and friendships that I've had for years. Is it easy? Hell, no. Not even social media can fix that sometimes. But it's worth it.
Be grateful for friends, folks. Even if it sounds like a silly, sappy lesson to learn from a kids' show or something. Trust me: You never know when your connections, based on your location or situation, may change.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
It's been almost a year since I moved to my new town, and now I've left an entirely different group behind in my former county. It's weird, man.
Here's the thing: Technically, I'm not that far away from some of my buddies. Technically. While the distance is small, the process of getting around is not. Traffic to my hometown is almost always abysmal. It takes a ton of money and effort for me to get into a city like San Francisco or San Jose. While I do still get to visit family and friends, it's a day trip, not just a night out. It definitely changes things about my social circle, and for the first six months or so of living in my new place, I really didn't have anyone to hang out with except my wife and occasionally my brother - who's a cool guy, but he works a lot and isn't always available to chill.
Now, my wife is awesome - I won't deny that. I truly consider her to be my best friend. But we need breaks from each other. It's natural. It's healthy. We need to be able to do our own thing and interact with our own groups. It's just more difficult.
And the truth is, the distance is only becoming wider. My sister and my brother-in-law have been far away for a while now - first in Philadelphia, now in Long Island. Many of my college friends are still in Southern California, but some have moved north or to the east coast. Hell, one of my groomsman now lives in Virginia with his wife - that was a huge transition for him. And while some of my friends keep in contact with me or are even debating moving up to my area before it becomes unaffordable, others just poke me once in a while on social media, or I poke them. There's a natural drift, a separation after a while when direct communication and interaction is at a standstill.
I get that such a thing is inevitable. Which is why I'm glad to see some other friends of mine now live locally so I can rebuild a closer circle.
My wife was in a play with a great guy, and he recently bought a house in a nearby neighborhood with his wife. We've been able to hang out a few times now - having breakfast, going to a jelly bean factory, and even getting ice cream at almost ten o'clock at night. Tonight, we got to go to our second high school improv show together. It's just really cool to be able to know and socialize with people who we can consider good friends. It's valuable to me.
As an extrovert, I need human interaction on a daily basis in order to keep my energy up. Sometimes, yes, being a teacher and working with both students and staff is enough for me to want to stay home after work. Other times, though? It's nice to break free. To grab dinner or a drink with a pal. To catch up and tell stories and ponder over my day and my goals with someone who I don't see every day. To be able to be open with them and maybe get support or advice from them, which can be refreshing compared to stuff you hear from family or other loved ones. To be able to collaborate with someone who inspires me to be a better writer, performer, or musician. It's one of the reasons why I hope one of my best friends - who also happened to be the best man at my wedding - can move up north sooner rather than later.
We'll see what happens. It's like the cheesy song I learned as a girl scout: "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other's gold." I want to make sure I can make new friends while also holding on to relationships and friendships that I've had for years. Is it easy? Hell, no. Not even social media can fix that sometimes. But it's worth it.
Be grateful for friends, folks. Even if it sounds like a silly, sappy lesson to learn from a kids' show or something. Trust me: You never know when your connections, based on your location or situation, may change.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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