Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
Guys, I'm exhausted, and of course, the night I'm exhausted, I want to be even more introspective than usual. So bear with me if my writing's a bit disjointed or even terser than usual.
So today was yearbook distribution day. Not terrible - some hiccups here and there - but boy, did it remind me of so many reasons why I'm glad to leave. From the lack of administrative support to the head of the finance office biting my head, I was so grateful to just get off campus. I even had to restrain myself from crying and reminded myself to just keep pushing forward: You're almost done, Belinda. One more week. And then you're going somewhere else.
But that's the tricky part, isn't it? Going somewhere else.
Instead of a Panther, I will be a Gaucho. Instead of teaching 10th grade English and Yearbook, I will most likely be teaching two different levels of English. Classes will be by semester, not year. I have gotten into contact with my new principal and department chair. I plan to use summer time to prep and work on my own projects, such as my music, my acting, and my writing.
One more week.
Today was the Step Down rally at my high school; this was the view I had on the bleachers. I have to admit, it was the first time I ever stood in this area; normally, I was on ground level, managing my photographers. Being here, and watching these amazing students cheer and celebrate one last time as their teacher, made me feel sentimental, whether I liked it or not.
I know I can make myself feel very good about my new job. I can harbor bitterness toward my previous position, get angry at the people I believe were responsible for my choice to leave, even become vindictive. But I don't want to do that. I'm not the revenge type, no matter how much I imagine it and, ultimately, write it. I don't want to be petty, or feel sorry for myself, or dwell too much in the past in a negative way. I want to reflect and grow and move forward.
Because this job meant something. This school meant something. Even this paw print painted on my arm meant something (before it started flaking away, like my Panther status, and oh, God, why did it have to become a stupid metaphor?!). This was my life for two years. I met and grew close to so many students and teachers, hearing their stories, supporting them, laughing with them, and learning from them.
And now I have to move on.
I wound up completing two yearbooks with this school. It kind of works, actually - a book for each hand. I'm proud of both, and with how far the program's come since I arrived. I don't believe the cycle is going to continue the way it did before I was hired: In fact, I think Yearbook is in much better shape the way I'm leaving it. It's evolving and changing, yes, but in the ways I would have wanted to direct it should I have stayed.
That's what it all comes down to, isn't it? Change. Changes in jobs, changes in locations, changes in friendships, changes in relationships. Life continues its mad dash up a spiral staircase, skipping steps or stumbling once in a while. And while we hold we keep going up, there are always unpredictable things that await us.
Like a goblin. Or a bear. Or two guards who happen to be brothers, and one always lies and one always tells the truth. I don't know - I had to break up the stupid pseudo-philosophical malarkey, okay?
Anyway. I'm moving forward. We all have to. I truly hope that whatever awaits me is worth it. That this is where I'm meant to go and what I'm meant to do. I want to make fewer mistakes. I want to become better at what I do. I want this summer to be a time for me to rest, focus on my own stuff, and prep for something better. A restorative summer. A happy one.
One more week. And then I have to say goodbye.
...I mean, at least in the job sense. I mean, I'm still living in the same city. I'll still be around and part of the community; deal with it, you beautiful sons of bitches!
Also, aren't you amazed that tomorrow is June? 'Cause I'm sure amazed it's gonna be June tomorrow. Damn, Time - you scary.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
So today was yearbook distribution day. Not terrible - some hiccups here and there - but boy, did it remind me of so many reasons why I'm glad to leave. From the lack of administrative support to the head of the finance office biting my head, I was so grateful to just get off campus. I even had to restrain myself from crying and reminded myself to just keep pushing forward: You're almost done, Belinda. One more week. And then you're going somewhere else.
But that's the tricky part, isn't it? Going somewhere else.
Instead of a Panther, I will be a Gaucho. Instead of teaching 10th grade English and Yearbook, I will most likely be teaching two different levels of English. Classes will be by semester, not year. I have gotten into contact with my new principal and department chair. I plan to use summer time to prep and work on my own projects, such as my music, my acting, and my writing.
One more week.
Today was the Step Down rally at my high school; this was the view I had on the bleachers. I have to admit, it was the first time I ever stood in this area; normally, I was on ground level, managing my photographers. Being here, and watching these amazing students cheer and celebrate one last time as their teacher, made me feel sentimental, whether I liked it or not.
I know I can make myself feel very good about my new job. I can harbor bitterness toward my previous position, get angry at the people I believe were responsible for my choice to leave, even become vindictive. But I don't want to do that. I'm not the revenge type, no matter how much I imagine it and, ultimately, write it. I don't want to be petty, or feel sorry for myself, or dwell too much in the past in a negative way. I want to reflect and grow and move forward.
Because this job meant something. This school meant something. Even this paw print painted on my arm meant something (before it started flaking away, like my Panther status, and oh, God, why did it have to become a stupid metaphor?!). This was my life for two years. I met and grew close to so many students and teachers, hearing their stories, supporting them, laughing with them, and learning from them.
And now I have to move on.
I wound up completing two yearbooks with this school. It kind of works, actually - a book for each hand. I'm proud of both, and with how far the program's come since I arrived. I don't believe the cycle is going to continue the way it did before I was hired: In fact, I think Yearbook is in much better shape the way I'm leaving it. It's evolving and changing, yes, but in the ways I would have wanted to direct it should I have stayed.
That's what it all comes down to, isn't it? Change. Changes in jobs, changes in locations, changes in friendships, changes in relationships. Life continues its mad dash up a spiral staircase, skipping steps or stumbling once in a while. And while we hold we keep going up, there are always unpredictable things that await us.
Like a goblin. Or a bear. Or two guards who happen to be brothers, and one always lies and one always tells the truth. I don't know - I had to break up the stupid pseudo-philosophical malarkey, okay?
Anyway. I'm moving forward. We all have to. I truly hope that whatever awaits me is worth it. That this is where I'm meant to go and what I'm meant to do. I want to make fewer mistakes. I want to become better at what I do. I want this summer to be a time for me to rest, focus on my own stuff, and prep for something better. A restorative summer. A happy one.
One more week. And then I have to say goodbye.
...I mean, at least in the job sense. I mean, I'm still living in the same city. I'll still be around and part of the community; deal with it, you beautiful sons of bitches!
Also, aren't you amazed that tomorrow is June? 'Cause I'm sure amazed it's gonna be June tomorrow. Damn, Time - you scary.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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