Saturday's Storyteller: "And if you're extra good, the Christmas kitty will leave a special present under your pillow."

by Belinda Roddie

"And if you're extra good, the Christmas kitty will leave a special present under your pillow."

"What? John! No!"

"What?"

"Do not weaponize our Zelda like that!"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, sweetie pie."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You are not a good actor, John!"

"You don't even know what the special present is!"

"Oh, I have two guesses."

"Okay. Name them."

"One: A dead mouse."

"Gasp! Aaron!"

"What?!"

"Zelda would never kill a mouse! She's too nice!"

"Oh, my God, John, she's a cat!"

"She's a very special cat."

"Ugh. Fine. Number two: One of her fresh turds."

"Ew. Aaron! No!"

"No?"

"No!"

"Okay..."

"One of her dried turds, at best."

"John!"

"I'm joking! You're wrong on both counts!"

"I don't buy that for one goddamn second."

"So, what? You don't think Zelda's capable of leaving a special present?"

"If it ain't poop, a dead animal, a fish-flavored treat, or a mangled toy? Yeah, I don't see it being particularly 'special.'"

"..."

"..."

"...What if it was some pussy?"

"John."

"Some delicious, succulent pussy."

"John."

"Even gays like us can appreciate some hot pussy!"

"I will strangle you with the Christmas lights, so help me God!"

"Sounds kinky. What time?"

"I only love you so much, babe!"

"Merry Christmas, snookums!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Roddie.