Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
So I just wrapped up my first semester at my new school. And as you probably could tell from my last poem, it ended more with a whimper than a bang (thanks, T.S. Eliot).
I know it was only one student. I know they were probably angry and just wanted to find reasons to dislike both me and my class. More than ever before, I've let what students think of me simply roll off my shoulders. Not this time.
This kid truly believed that, because I had made some minor mistakes and small misguided decisions that could be misconstrued as racial microaggressions, I did not belong at the school I worked at. They did not think I fit into the "diverse" environment, and they were truly convinced that I could not work with students of color. After I had gotten the tears and anxiety out of the way, I was mostly baffled: How could I, a white teacher who will always have to work on the way they interact with their students because of the racist institutions in place, improve by simply leaving?
And how did I not belong? Sure, I'm not a person of color, but I am still a minority. I'm gay. I'm non-binary (and this kid misgendered me, too). Do those elements of my identity not fit into my school, according to this student? The thing is, they could have presented their points in a constructive way, because for the three (yes, three) instances they felt like I was insensitive, I could have easily adapted and learn how not to make students uncomfortable or unintentionally other them! No, it's not my class's responsibility to educate me as an ignorant white dude, but I am not perfect. And so getting that anonymous survey response just told me, above all else, that this person was not willing to confront me in person about any faux pas I had made.
That, and they said I was no help with instruction and was unfair when it came to accepting late work. Which was good for at least one laugh.
Luckily, I have a lot of people in my life who helped me navigate this response, affirming my growth as a teacher while also demonstrating to me how I could do so much better for my students. I've only been in the public school system for three years, and I'm still acclimating to the culture of this new school. I do feel like I belong, and I won't let the animosity of one jaded student get in the way. I have had plenty of other students approach me and candidly talk with me and check me for my screw-ups, and I have mad, mad respect for them.
Also, I am never running an anonymous student survey about the way I teach ever again. They can provide their emails.
Today was nice, though. I got to go to the Hotsy Totsy Club nearby with two of my coworkers after spending my second semester planning day with them. I got a cocktail called a Bittersweet Symphony that, in one of my coworkers' words, "contained all four movements...including a scherzo." Also, the ceviche from the nearby taco truck was delicious.
Then, when I got home, Arden and I made Pecan Pie martinis, based on a recipe we found online. We didn't use the exact ingredients on the list: We used Bourbon Cream instead of creme de cacao and bourbon separately, and we also added brandy. But the cocktails were still absolutely lovely.
And then I decided to drink Amaretto, an almond based liqueur, while eating Sweet Thai Chili-flavored almonds. Yes, all of the almonds. And the experience was glorious.
So, what next? A three day weekend, and then the new semester begins. I will be working with both freshmen and sophomores now, the latter having been my wheelhouse for the past two years. I'm both excited and nervous, but I think it's gonna be a good four and a half months.
Long story short: I'm still learning, I still make mistakes, I will always have to continually check myself when it comes to my white privilege, and I belong at this school as a queer teacher.
And wherever you are: You belong, too.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
I know it was only one student. I know they were probably angry and just wanted to find reasons to dislike both me and my class. More than ever before, I've let what students think of me simply roll off my shoulders. Not this time.
This kid truly believed that, because I had made some minor mistakes and small misguided decisions that could be misconstrued as racial microaggressions, I did not belong at the school I worked at. They did not think I fit into the "diverse" environment, and they were truly convinced that I could not work with students of color. After I had gotten the tears and anxiety out of the way, I was mostly baffled: How could I, a white teacher who will always have to work on the way they interact with their students because of the racist institutions in place, improve by simply leaving?
And how did I not belong? Sure, I'm not a person of color, but I am still a minority. I'm gay. I'm non-binary (and this kid misgendered me, too). Do those elements of my identity not fit into my school, according to this student? The thing is, they could have presented their points in a constructive way, because for the three (yes, three) instances they felt like I was insensitive, I could have easily adapted and learn how not to make students uncomfortable or unintentionally other them! No, it's not my class's responsibility to educate me as an ignorant white dude, but I am not perfect. And so getting that anonymous survey response just told me, above all else, that this person was not willing to confront me in person about any faux pas I had made.
That, and they said I was no help with instruction and was unfair when it came to accepting late work. Which was good for at least one laugh.
Luckily, I have a lot of people in my life who helped me navigate this response, affirming my growth as a teacher while also demonstrating to me how I could do so much better for my students. I've only been in the public school system for three years, and I'm still acclimating to the culture of this new school. I do feel like I belong, and I won't let the animosity of one jaded student get in the way. I have had plenty of other students approach me and candidly talk with me and check me for my screw-ups, and I have mad, mad respect for them.
Also, I am never running an anonymous student survey about the way I teach ever again. They can provide their emails.
Today was nice, though. I got to go to the Hotsy Totsy Club nearby with two of my coworkers after spending my second semester planning day with them. I got a cocktail called a Bittersweet Symphony that, in one of my coworkers' words, "contained all four movements...including a scherzo." Also, the ceviche from the nearby taco truck was delicious.
Then, when I got home, Arden and I made Pecan Pie martinis, based on a recipe we found online. We didn't use the exact ingredients on the list: We used Bourbon Cream instead of creme de cacao and bourbon separately, and we also added brandy. But the cocktails were still absolutely lovely.
And then I decided to drink Amaretto, an almond based liqueur, while eating Sweet Thai Chili-flavored almonds. Yes, all of the almonds. And the experience was glorious.
So, what next? A three day weekend, and then the new semester begins. I will be working with both freshmen and sophomores now, the latter having been my wheelhouse for the past two years. I'm both excited and nervous, but I think it's gonna be a good four and a half months.
Long story short: I'm still learning, I still make mistakes, I will always have to continually check myself when it comes to my white privilege, and I belong at this school as a queer teacher.
And wherever you are: You belong, too.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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