Saturday's Storyteller: "It's not a phase, Granny!"

by Belinda Roddie

"It's not a phase, Granny!"

"Oh, it's not?"

"No. Gawd."

"Are you sure?"

"You are so lame."

"I'm just saying...you might have to spend a looooot of money on good eyeliner."

"Ugh."

"Or do you call it guyliner? I can't keep up sometimes."

"Uuuuuugggghhhh."

"And the spikes, dear! They look a teensy weensy bit sharp, don't they?"

"They're edgy! Like me!"

"Oh, Branny, darling...dressing up as a goth isn't edgy. Now being Gothic...that's an entirely different story."

"Oh, no. Don't tell me."

"Yes, sweetie. I liked to dress up as a classic Victorian vampire!"

"...Of course you did. How am I not surprised?"

"Our vampire galas were absolutely divine, Branson. I had a good friend named Doris whose husband had made an absolute fortune out of canned tuna. So we got invited to their mansion almost every weekend for an enormous themed party!"

"...and it was always vampires?"

"It was always vampires. We drank red wine. Ate red meat. Gave each other plenty of hickeys."

"Granny."

"What? We couldn't actually suck blood! That's too difficult! And incredibly unhygienic."

"That's just...whatever. So you didn't pierce your nose or wear patches or listen to punk?"

"Oh, goodness, no, dear! At least, not at that stage in my life. Why, I still have a piercing right in the middle of my - "

"No more words, please."

"But phases come and go, dearie. I got tired of vampires after a while. And the black lipstick. And what can you do? I made plenty of odd fashion choices in my youth, but it was always delightful to experiment. Wouldn't you say?"

"...Yeah. I guess so."

"So. What do you think you'll do after this goth phase?"

"I dunno. Why do you care?"

"Because I don't want you to do anything you don't want to, Branny! That's all."

"...Hey, Granny?"

"Yes?"

"You think you could teach me how to put on eyeliner? I'm really bad at it. I keep poking myself in the eye."

"I thought you'd never ask! This style does come with perks."

"Why, 'cause you don't have a granddaughter to do make-up with?"

"Who says I needed a granddaughter for that? I have you!"

"Ugh, now I feel gay."

"I feel gay all the time!"

"Granny."

"To the powder room!"

This week's prompt was partially inspired by a tank top I own, and also because we needed Granny and Branson back pronto.