My Cardboard Balcony

My Captain by Belinda Roddie You were the icing on my childhood cake, the reminder that I could laugh at nothing and still see the world as beautiful despite its inherit insanity. You named your daughter after a princess, and while you were never typical royalty, you wore comedy like a crown that not many others could snatch from you, the words you waved a vibrant scepter blurring in a golden ribbon of punchlines. You were incredible, and I absolutely took you for granted, everywhere. It was easy to say you were wearing thin on me when in the end, I was merely missing the luster of the gift you gave on the screen and on the stage. Make no mistake, you were one hairy and rambunctious bastard, but you were a bastard who taught me to seize the day, and I would not trust anyone else to deal with Captain Hook, poetry, mental illness, clown noses, living green goo, magic lamps, rainforests, giant pink rhinos, and crossdressing for love as well as you did. So gra...

"Last time I checked, we were discovering the new, innovative way to travel," remarked Professor Hash. "Not how many M&Ms Roy can shove up one nostril." I shushed him and continued to watch the spectacle. "Five bucks says he has to go to the ER in an hour." "Make it a half hour," my scientist colleague Addie said. "Got it."

"You deserved it!" wailed Nadia from the sidelines as I limped back to the dugout. "You deserved every ounce of pain from that! You know why? 'Cause you're a no-good, ungrateful, whorish swine who likes to eat babies for breakfast with a half cup of coffee and a slice of - " "Is she okay?" my teammate asked me as I settled onto the bench, nursing the new jolt of agony in my now twisted ankle. I pulled off my cap and wiped my brow. "Ignore her," I mumbled. "She's half-crazy, half-upset that I don't like her as more than an acquaintance."

by Belinda Roddie "That means death." Kayla raised her head from her notebook, her left shoulder buried deep into the pillow of her bed. She looked at me cautiously as I pointed at the screen of my laptop. "What?" "That Japanese character, right there? It means death." I gestured at the kanji. "Shi. Death." Kayla smiled, exposing very white teeth between two browned lips. "I didn't know you were into Japanese." "I'm not," I replied, "but it's Freddy's new tattoo. Cheery, isn't it?" Kayla hopped down from her bed to see the Facebook picture. When she laughed, I could feel a certain relief breeze through the empty spaces in my chest. "For a guy who plays French horn in concert band and has a crew cut," she observed, " 'Shi' is a little dark for his character, don't you think?" We were supposed to be working on a research project together, but of course, Kayl...

You are not entitled to anything in this planet; you simply have the anatomical tools to reap your fortunes. God did not give you opposable thumbs, but they were helpful in building shovels, jackhammers, pipes, saws, and axes to turn forests into deserts. No one gave any value to gold except you, who believed it was pretty enough to buy you a goat or a basket of eggs from the closest farmer. You thought the world was a gift to you, when in fact, you wound up at its doorstep and let yourself in without knocking.

It has been a very, very rough few weeks for me anxiety-wise. I don't want to go over why I have said anxiety. I don't want to rehash or dwell. I don't want to do anything that can remotely cause my worries to flare up again. Instead, I plan to stay in bed for most of tomorrow, watching TV shows with my lady love before I have to go to work. Because I'm an adult and I have that right. Much love, my handful of readers. Have a great night and a great weekend.

NOTE: This is the fourth full-act play I ever wrote, at the age of nineteen. While I cannot specifically remember when it was finished, I am going to hazard a guess that I was done with this play by the summer and began writing my fifth full-act play in the winter of 2010 while studying abroad in Ireland. This is Act I of the play. Enjoy. Can't Hurry Love: A Play In Three Acts by Belinda Roddie CAST (in order of appearance) SAMANTHA “SAM” MELICK, a lesbian novelist ANDRE GRIFFIN, a bartender-turned actor AMELIA MELICK, an actress and Sam’s older sister LESLEY EVERARD, a questioning English university student MRS. MELICK, Sam and Amelia’s mother MR. MELICK, Sam and Amelia’s father SIMON HART, Lesley’s boyfriend SETTING A Pub in Yorkshire, England WRITER’S NOTE: All stage directions and emotions listed in this script are open for suggestion. Altering them should not decrease the caliber of the play, but they should serve as guidelines for the director and...