My Cardboard Balcony

St. Patrick Doesn't Live On Mars by Belinda Roddie Sitting atop a Catholic spire, I try to paint the sky white with my fingers. I want to erase all the color so I can see clear to outer space, out where a lovely lady sits in a spaceship and carries a Bible with no God, but wow, does it preach love, love, love. I cough and wince as my spittle flies. I hate that I spray rainbows everywhere. Just walking downtown, I leave neon footprints on the dark, cracked asphalt. I want to find a radio and tune it to just the right station, where my alien paramour waits to communicate, her language mingling beautifully with mine, eventually sounding alike and meaning the same thing: Love, love, love.

"You are seriously disturbed." "No." My voice sounded foreign to me. Half-garbled, half-growl. "I am enlightened. I see the world as it is, not as I desire. Even the colors are different now. Their real shades. Not to be described by petty language." "You need help." "Shut up!" I snarled. I grabbed his arm. "You speak from ignorance! I will teach you to speak from the highest pinnacle of knowledge."

"You guys are actually related?" My brother sighed, and I rolled my eyes. "Yes," I repeated myself for what must have been the fifth time today. This party was not going to end any time soon. Everyone I met seemed to think that my bro and I were an item. Never mind the fact that I was gay and my brother was so asexual it wasn't even funny. Not even aesthetic on a guy or girl did anything for him. He just liked living the single life and enjoying his hobbies and passions and friends without any romantic or lustful interference.

by Belinda Roddie This is a very angry avocado. You can tell it is angry because its skin is creased into a big green frown. If you were to cut it open and make guacamole out of it, it would probably yell at you. This avocado has not had a very good day. You might as well give it some space. Next to it is an anxious artichoke. It is anxious because it knows that soon, one hot and dry evening, it will be put in a pot of water and steamed. At first, it will feel like a blissful sauna, but afterwards, it will become akin to the sermons told about the bubbling cauldrons of Hell itself. Then it shall be stripped of each limb, eaten bit by bit, as if drawn and quartered. And served with mayonnaise. This artichoke has attempted to downplay its anxiety by curbing its long-term thinking. It has had little success. Beyond the counter, there are eager eggs that are actually excited to be consumed. They love the idea of both inner and outer transformation. They see things from a very spiritu...

The great and honorable General Talmouth will be hosting a great and honorable banquet at his great and honorable (and highly established) manor on the corner of Fifth and Main. There, he will deliver a great and honorable speech that will go into the great and honorable details of his next assignment as great and honorable general. After that, there shall be beer and shrimp cocktails. Those are not great and honorable. They are just delicious.

Woooow. So. A lot happened this week. Some good things, some bad things. Lots of happy times, but also lots of stressful times. Let's see how easily I can break this down at eleven in the evening. First things first: Arden's best friend Alyssa's wedding was amazing. Not only did it give me ideas for my own wedding, but it also was just a beautiful ceremony and such a fun party. Alyssa and Sean are a beautiful couple, and hearing their vows and seeing their happiness on full display actually brought a couple of tears to my eyes. That, and you can't go wrong with shrimp cocktails. Monday kicked off with more student observation my school site for my credential program. Let me just say that I like the set-up. I like the course material, I like being with two mentor teachers, and I like the students. Everyone seems chill and good-natured and all around pleasant. I think there's good morale at this high school in particular, and I couldn't be happier with that si...

Bad Reception in Heaven by Belinda Roddie But what if God did have a good mobile plan?