Friday's Whims of the Time Traveler 8.0: September 9th, 2003
A List of Tips for Little Tykes Who Don't Know Anything About the Freaking World At All
by Belinda Roddie
- No matter what, you will always stub your toe.
- Don't trust someone who says, "One more time." Chances are, he'll ask you to do it again.
- It's good to be annoyingly literal and bug someone about saying, "Never say never."
- Always press MUTE on car commercials.
- "A little learning is a dangerous thing" (Not that there's anything wrong with that).
- Electricity plus water equals bad!
- Friday is always the longest day of the week.
- Whining will get you what you want...including a slap in the face.
- Don't ever, ever get caught in the midst of a governor recall.
- If you play with matches, you will burn your house down.
- Don't talk to strangers and you'll be isolated for the rest of your life.
- Bored? Read War and Peace. Now stop complaining!
- You will get killed by an angry mob of kids if you hate chocolate.
- There is no way whatsoever that your parents can be persuaded to get you a laptop.
- Expect the worst and you get the worst. That's why you should be an optimist.
- If it's shiny, it's something cool.
- You don't forget, you just can't remember.
- Work up a skill to tell whether or not someone's acting phony to you. It helps. A lot.
- Scabs become scars if you pick at them.
- If they pressure you, they're not your friends.
And finally...
- Life is a safer drug to get high off of. Use it.
The work you see here has only been slightly modified for mechanics and errors since September 9th, 2003.
by Belinda Roddie
- No matter what, you will always stub your toe.
- Don't trust someone who says, "One more time." Chances are, he'll ask you to do it again.
- It's good to be annoyingly literal and bug someone about saying, "Never say never."
- Always press MUTE on car commercials.
- "A little learning is a dangerous thing" (Not that there's anything wrong with that).
- Electricity plus water equals bad!
- Friday is always the longest day of the week.
- Whining will get you what you want...including a slap in the face.
- Don't ever, ever get caught in the midst of a governor recall.
- If you play with matches, you will burn your house down.
- Don't talk to strangers and you'll be isolated for the rest of your life.
- Bored? Read War and Peace. Now stop complaining!
- You will get killed by an angry mob of kids if you hate chocolate.
- There is no way whatsoever that your parents can be persuaded to get you a laptop.
- Expect the worst and you get the worst. That's why you should be an optimist.
- If it's shiny, it's something cool.
- You don't forget, you just can't remember.
- Work up a skill to tell whether or not someone's acting phony to you. It helps. A lot.
- Scabs become scars if you pick at them.
- If they pressure you, they're not your friends.
And finally...
- Life is a safer drug to get high off of. Use it.
The work you see here has only been slightly modified for mechanics and errors since September 9th, 2003.
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