Saturday's Storyteller: "Who would ever accuse little old me of such a thing?"

by Belinda Roddie

"Who would ever accuse little old me of such a thing?"

"Mrs. O'Reilly, apparently."

"Oh, God. There are so many things wrong with that."

"Tell me about it."

"First of all, I was not that drunk. We've calculated the degrees on that one."

"We sure have, John."

"Sadly enough."

"Yep."

"See, I was only third degree intoxicated."

"Run by me the elements of third degree again."

"Well, there's still a grasp, if somewhat shaky, of the world around me."

"And speech has yet to be slurred."

"See, you remember one thing. But the hippocampus has not been hindered. I still held judgment."

"Indeed."

"Second of all...her son isn't even that hot."

"You know what, John? I totally agree."

"I know, right? He's like a three-point-five on a scale of one to ten."

"I'd give him a three. He's got one of those faces."

"Wow, Aaron. For someone who denies he's gay a lot, you certainly pay a lot of attention to faces."

"Men can comment on other men without being gay, okay?"

"Some day, dude, you will have to stand alongside me with the rainbow flying past you."

"Also, he would have looked better with a beard."

"Yes. Kind of like how sexy you are with stubble."

"John."

"So anyway. Poor O'Reilly thinks I'm hitting on her poor widdle son. The most hilarious part about that, though?"

"What's that?"

"He's already got a boyfriend."

"No way."

"Yeah, way. Buff, Chinese, smoking hot. I see him waiting for the boy in his car all the time."

"Dude, I feel like such a girl right now."

"Why? Because you're talking about guys?"

"Um, yeah?"

"No, you feel like such a gay right now. Big difference."

"Damn it, John."

"C'mon, Aaron! It's six o'clock. Time to crack open the Jägermeister and celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"Being handsome enough to freak out the neighbors."

"...Okay, fine, I'll drink to that."

"I knew you had it in you!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Kilzer.