Saturday's Storyteller: "Chocolate chip cookies are not a toy."

by Belinda Roddie

"Chocolate chip cookies are not a toy."

"Sure they are. They can be."

"No, they can't. It's a sin. A sin, I tell you!"

"Aaron, these cookies are burnt. Like, super burnt. So why not dress up as ninjas and throw some overcooked dough shurikens?"

"You are unbelievable."

"You didn't let me dress up as a ninja for Halloween. I may as well do it now."

"I didn't let you dress up because the party was at my mom's place."

"She would've loved my costume!"

"No, you would've attacked the family dog with nunchucks and sent my father chasing after you with a fire extinguisher after sneaking up on him with a fake katana. I know you too well."

"Why would he chase me with a fire extinguisher?"

"Because we have a fire extinguisher at our house? John, my hometown is super fucking dry. There are wildfires all the time."

"Either that, or your parents suck at cooking."

"What - okay, yes, that's actually true."

"So are we making throwing stars out of these ruined cookies or not?"

"See, this is why I told you not to turn up the oven so damn high."

"It could've baked faster!"

"No, drunkie, that's now how it works. Baking is a science. It's gotta be right to the letter. Or number, in this case."

"See, this is why I cook instead of bake."

"You shouldn't do that, either. I've eaten your chicken casseroles before."

"That was a family recipe!"

"Yeah, for disaster. Seriously, John, one more attempt by you to be a culinary genius, and I'll be on my back in the ER for severe salmonella."

"You don't have to go to the ER for salmonella."

"Sure you do. If it's bad enough."

"Fine, then. I won't cook salmon."

"That is not what salmonella is!"

"I know, Aaron! Christ, you're humorless tonight."

"Okay. Tell you what. I'll use these cookies as shurikens if only I can throw them at a giant picture of your face."

"Only if you grid it like an actual dart board so we can tally up points."

"You're on."

"And I bet I'll win. I know all the intricate features of my beautiful face."

"Just clean up the goddamn mess you made. I do not want to keep walking across a blanket of flour."

"Just pretend it's snow and we're in a winter wonderland."

"We are on the west coast toward the bay! It does not snow here!"

"A girl can dream, can't she?"

"John!"

"Just fetch me another bottle of Heineken so I can survive this scrubbing spree. And then...it's cookie ninja time."

"Good God."

"Hi-ya!"

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Kilzer.