Saturday's Storyteller: "Exit stage right, furiously making out with a bear."

by Belinda Roddie

"Exit stage right, furiously making out with a bear."

"What?"

"Seriously, one of the best stage directions ever written by man."

"Wait...are you talking about Shakespeare?"

"Yup! Winter's Tale."

"...I'm pretty sure the direction is "Exit, pursued by a bear."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Eh."

"What?"

"Pursued by a bear, making out with a bear - what's the difference, really?"

"Apparently there's no difference in your book."

"Just because you haven't furiously made out with a bear in your life - "

"And I don't plan to."

"Not the animal!"

"Still don't plan to."

"What, do I not count?"

"Shut up."

"Awww, is someone shy?"

"Shut up. It never happened. I was drunk."

"Oh, Aaron...that's my excuse for everything."

"Shut up!"

"And besides, alcoholism doesn't change your orientation. It just exposes it."

"I had too many daiquiris!"

"And thus, the gay was unleashed."

"Nothing was unleashed!"

"Well, something was. Something big and impressive."

"John!"

"Your tongue, Aaron! I'm talking about your tongue."

"If you don't knock it off, then you'll be the one being pursued by a bear!"

"Yay!"

"And not the one clad in leather!"

"...Still yay?"

"Christ...a new year, and I'm still living with you."

"Because we're soulmates!"

"No."

"C'mon, Aaron. Let's furiously make out like bears. Shakespeare would be proud."

"No, he wouldn't!"

"Are you kidding me? Shakespeare was super bi."

"Says who?"

"Says scholars! And me!"

"I don't even know what furiously making out like bears means!"

"It means your big and impressive - "

"Do not bring that up!"

"I will so pursue you stage right!"

"What does that even mean?!"

"GLORIOUS THINGS, AARON!"

"GOD DAMN IT!"

This week's prompt was provided by José García.