Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection
Things have been...rough for me, in a word. I won't deny it. Over the past couple of weeks, I have dreaded American politics and feared a potentially dangerous and oppressive global future. I have cried in my fiancée's arms and cried in front of my family and cried while talking to my sister, and as a result, I've been given lots of advice. Maybe I should cut down my Internet time. Maybe I should deactivate my Facebook account. Maybe I should practice breaking away from the computer and focusing on the now. So I've been trying to do that. Not the Facebook deactivation part, but at least trying to control how much time I spend looking at articles and websites that only fuel my anxiety.
Well, it turns out that focusing on the now still can bring me back to politics, but in a way that is historic and powerful. Yesterday, I got to sit in my car, turn on the radio, and tear up as I listened to Hillary Clinton - and whether you like her or hate her is irrelevant to this - accept the Democratic nomination for president, thereby becoming the first woman in United States history to become the presidential nominee of a major political party.
That. Is. Amazing.
Many of you know that I'm genderfluid. But I do still identify as being somewhat female in the process. Hillary Clinton's nomination is a big deal to me. It's a big deal to my sister (who was actually at the Democratic convention! Lucky lady), my fiancée, my mother, and my friends. It tells young girls everywhere that yes, they, too, can be president, and no, it's not just a man's job. That means so much.
Focusing on the now can also bring back laughter. Today, I got to revisit a game I used to love playing - The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64. I first laughed so hard that I cried while watching a ridiculous Let's Play of the game. Then Arden and I fired up our old N64 and just had a blast playing a classic. We were silly, we were raucous, we were weird, and it was just so refreshing. This was an element of my life that I was missing, and it both lowered my anxiety and brought me back to the present so I could enjoy myself.
Yes, the world is teetering on the edge of something big and perhaps awful and scary. But it could also end up so much better than ever. Anything could happen at any moment, good or bad, and I have to accept that it is, for the most part, out of my control. What I can control, however, is how I feel at the end of the day, and how much fun I can partake in with the time I know I still have. I'm teaching, writing, and getting married. I quit my bookstore job and am preparing for new horizons and opportunities. Yes, maybe by November, everything becomes terrible, but at least, for now, I have something special. And maybe that special,..ness...can still survive an onslaught of fear and anger.
I will definitely have moments in which I will relapse anxiety-wise. I will get frustrated and cry and get mad and all that fun stuff. But I will also smile. I will also laugh. I will also love. And I will continue to, with all my heart and energy, hold on to hope.
A good friend of mine advised me, "Have faith." I'm keeping that in mind.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
Well, it turns out that focusing on the now still can bring me back to politics, but in a way that is historic and powerful. Yesterday, I got to sit in my car, turn on the radio, and tear up as I listened to Hillary Clinton - and whether you like her or hate her is irrelevant to this - accept the Democratic nomination for president, thereby becoming the first woman in United States history to become the presidential nominee of a major political party.
That. Is. Amazing.
Many of you know that I'm genderfluid. But I do still identify as being somewhat female in the process. Hillary Clinton's nomination is a big deal to me. It's a big deal to my sister (who was actually at the Democratic convention! Lucky lady), my fiancée, my mother, and my friends. It tells young girls everywhere that yes, they, too, can be president, and no, it's not just a man's job. That means so much.
Focusing on the now can also bring back laughter. Today, I got to revisit a game I used to love playing - The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64. I first laughed so hard that I cried while watching a ridiculous Let's Play of the game. Then Arden and I fired up our old N64 and just had a blast playing a classic. We were silly, we were raucous, we were weird, and it was just so refreshing. This was an element of my life that I was missing, and it both lowered my anxiety and brought me back to the present so I could enjoy myself.
Yes, the world is teetering on the edge of something big and perhaps awful and scary. But it could also end up so much better than ever. Anything could happen at any moment, good or bad, and I have to accept that it is, for the most part, out of my control. What I can control, however, is how I feel at the end of the day, and how much fun I can partake in with the time I know I still have. I'm teaching, writing, and getting married. I quit my bookstore job and am preparing for new horizons and opportunities. Yes, maybe by November, everything becomes terrible, but at least, for now, I have something special. And maybe that special,..ness...can still survive an onslaught of fear and anger.
I will definitely have moments in which I will relapse anxiety-wise. I will get frustrated and cry and get mad and all that fun stuff. But I will also smile. I will also laugh. I will also love. And I will continue to, with all my heart and energy, hold on to hope.
A good friend of mine advised me, "Have faith." I'm keeping that in mind.
Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.
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