Saturday's Storyteller: "Okay, I know you're on a salted caramel kick, but STOUT? Really?!"

by Belinda Roddie

"Okay, I know you're on a salted caramel kick, but stout? Really?!"

"I couldn't resist, dude."

"Salted. Caramel. Stout. Un-fucking-believable, man."

"I just saw it in the booze aisle and thought, 'Well, that's two of my favorite things right there.'"

"First, it was the salted caramel hot chocolate..."

"Which I did spike, let me remind you."

"With butterscotch schnapps."

"I hadn't had that stuff in years! It was a treat!"

"Yes, and I'll admit, I'm a sucker for sweet liqueur like that."

"See?"

"Then the constant boxes of salted caramel candy."

"Yeah, I gotta lay off. Don't want these sick abs to become a giant keg."

"..."

"..."

"...John."

"Don't say I don't have abs."

"John."

"Do not say that I don't have abs."

"John, you are a gorgeous hunk of man."

"Don't start with me, bro."

"But the closest thing you have to abs is the six pack of beer you have in the fridge."

"You are such a killjoy!"

"So."

"Uh-huh?"

"You gonna let me try that salted caramel stout, or what?"

"Oh. After you insulted my glorious physique? Over my dead body."

"I did not insult your glorious physique."

"Aaron."

"Nowhere and at no time did I insult your glorious physique."

"Aaron."

"I kind of like that you don't have abs, dude! I don't like hugging anyone who's too ripped!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's like hugging a marble statue! Who wants to hug a marble statue?"

"...Hot guys?"

"Oh, so now who's insulting whom?"

"Okay! Okay. Okay, okay, okay."

"Yeah?"

"I get it. I really get it. Truce?"

"..."

"C'mon, truce?"

"..."

"..."

"...Only if I get a sip of that stout."

"Ugh. Fine."

"See, now we'll have a nice St. Patrick's Day."

"If you like the stout so much, maybe get your own bottle."

"Whatever happened to sharing?"

"Hey, I ain't no commie."

"Just pour me a shot's size of it. It's not gonna kill you."

"I get a hard cider from you, then."

"That's way more in exchange!"

"Hey, man. I know how to barter."

"You suck at bartering!"

"You say that now. But I know how you're gonna cave."

"..."

"..."

"...Fine. One of my ciders for a minute swallow of fucking salted caramel fucking stout."

"Hah! I win!"

"Ugh."

"John-style capitalism wins again!"

"Worst. Economic system. Ever."

This week's prompt was provided by Arden Roddie.