Saturday's Storyteller: "And that, ladies and gents, is why you don’t press the big red button."

And that, ladies and gents, is why you don’t press the big red button. See, and Earth was so nice, too. Now we've got...what, ruined cities? Craters? Radioactivity everywhere? I give us twenty hours, tops, before we succumb.

Now, before I finish my powerpoint presentation on not being stupid and causing a nuclear holocaust, I'd like to thank Holly for bringing us snacks with healthy alternatives - you know, in case our diets actually meant something anymore. Also, I have always wanted to tell her this, but Holly is dead sexy. I'm serious. Just, like...smoking hot. Okay? I mean, I don't know if she swings that way, but this lady in a suit would love to take a lady in a dress back to her office for a "private meeting." Only if she's cool with it, of course! I strongly believe in consent.

Hey, where is Holly, anyway? Roger, could you go check to see how she's doing? I know she has an anxiety disorder, and this chain of events since the start of World War III is probably not doing her any favors.

Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Ladies and gents, I'm happy to take any questions at this time. Though I'm not sure if it's necessary. Honestly, if I were you, I'd hug a few people and raid the fridge for anything you want. I think Bill brought a six pack for the holiday party that was never used. Shauna, do we still have leftover pizza from when you folks worked overtime? No sense in making calls, everyone - I figure our phones don't work anymore, and come to think of it, I'm amazed our power's still on -

Nope. Nope, now it's off. Great. Yeah, raid that fridge, guys. Food's not gonna last.

If any of you are up for it, I'm down for finding Randy and punching him in the stomach repeatedly for all the times he threatened to lay us off. Cool? Cool.

Say, you think anyone's alive out there besides us? Nuclear war is just...it's weird how we're still here. I mean, even after the orange maggot pressed button...oops, did I say, "Orange maggot," out loud? God, I hope he's been turned to vapor in the aftermath. I really, really do.

Seriously, though, is Holly okay?

Have fun, ladies and gents. I'm gonna go rummage through Carlo's desks for cigarettes.

This week's prompt was provided by Jacob Rathbone.