My Cardboard Balcony

Things used to be simple - clear, concise, and single dimensions. Time moved forward, and people grew older and got gray hair. The population grew and mortality rates shrank. We drank champagne during every meal, and the bubbles renewed our youth. We swam in the ocean and ate oysters and read stories to each other. We even made up some of our own.

by Belinda Roddie "And this little eggy goes in my mouthhole!" "Uh-huh." "And this little eggy goes in your mouthhole." "No, thanks." "Then this little eggy will go up your a - " "No. No. Do not finish that sentence." "What's the matter, man? Not a fan?" "I don't like deviled eggs." "Aaron!" "It's the mayonnaise! I'm not a fan!" " Treason!" "Mayo's gross, dude. Did you know some sushi places put mayo on their rolls now? It's disgusting." "Um. That's aioli, my good sir." "John, what is aioli made out of?" "...Garlic and love?" "It's mayo. It's egg and cream.  Mayo." "Oh." "Yeah." "...Huh." "Yeah." "...Yeah, I knew that." "I was wondering." "I still think love is a key ingredient."...

Let's a build a fortress, you and me, tall enough for the entire world to see. Its golden spires will pierce the sky, bringing brilliant light to every eye. There'll be dozens of rooms, windows of stained glass, and its looming height will spook all who pass.

(inhales) (exhales) (inhales) (exhales) ... (inhales) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Solution To Tyranny by Belinda Roddie Every single dictator deserves a swift punch in the dick.

"How's it looking, boss?" Lesley sighed and worked a wad of mucus down her throat. Her cold had not improved for two days, and she was both physically and mentally congested - like her brain was clogged up. "Well, Clyde," she said, "I'd hate to downgrade Ben's efforts, but...I can't use this." She passed the folder of documents back to Clyde, whose eyebrows had shot up so high that they almost moved to the top of his bald head.

Pour One Out For Obama by Belinda Roddie Pour one out for Obama, everyone! Now this was a president with some class - a smart, charismatic son of a gun with a vice president who kicked some ass. You didn't have to like him to admit the chief had good ideas up his sleeves, with a message not to be reckoned with: "Yes, we can!" and oh, yes, did we believe that change was coming. I can now marry because of this man - had a healthcare plan because of this man. The military lets people like me serve 'cause of this man. No, he wasn't perfect, but I insist he was better than the orange fascist.