Saturday's Storyteller: "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of seeing."

by Belinda Roddie

"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of seeing."

Todd raised his head from his plate, his mouth full. "Are you serious?" he grunted. "It's pork belly."

"It's repulsive."

"It's got pig brains mixed into it for creaminess."

"Oh, God..."

"Goes great with stout, too. Want some?"

"Are you serious?"

Todd, Rachel, and I were all having dinner at my place that night, and Todd had always remained the steadfast snob at mealtime. I had planned to serve deep dish pepperoni pizza before we popped in the movie of the night into our brand new flatscreen TV. However, Todd had arrived early and insisted that he make dinner...which resulted in an enormous conglomeration of pots and pans in my sink and about two hundred dollars missing from the man's pocket.

He had recently received his paycheck from his management job at a credit card processing company,  reveling in the aftereffects of his promotion, being one of the few humans to reside in the office. If it had been me, I would have celebrated with a hamburger and a Budweiser.

When I excused myself to wash my hands and returned, I could see Rachel visibly gagging and putting on a show before I returned to my plate. The "delicacy" that Todd had served sat untouched on our plates. Todd shook his head.

"You guys just don't understand good cuisine," he said, just before Thomas the cat leaped onto the kitchen table yowling.

At least, it sounded like yowling. It was muffled somewhat. Thomas had something in his mouth, but I couldn't make it out between his yellow teeth. His green eyes glared from a bush of black fur, as if he were challenging me to pull it out.

Unfazed, I scooped him into the crook of my left arm and used my other hand to pinch the object. It was soft. Fleshy. I yanked it out and saw a torn cuticle. At first I thought Rachel was shrieking, then realized that it was Todd instead, having jumped into a beautiful falsetto.

This had been the third appendage Thomas had dragged into my house since Tuesday. It was becoming a common occurrence, but I strangely wasn't affected by it. I had called the police the first few times and hadn't unraveled any conspiracy yet, save for quite possibly a dead rotting homeless man in the dumpster below my window. They showed up more often these days.

Now I grinned ear to ear as I presented the lumpy human finger, "Now that," I declared, "is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen."

***

"That's it?"

Sam frowned. "That's what?"

"The story. All you have."

"Yeah."

"What were you planning to do with it?" Charlie asked.

Sam shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I dunno. Try out a dystopian piece? Maybe Todd lives above a morgue."

"A morgue? Who the fuck chops up bodies at a morgue?"

"Crazy people. ...A Sweeney Todd guy."

"Yeah. Sure. Common."

"Maybe in the year 2175..."

"You just came up with that year now, didn't you?"

Charlie smirked in triumph as Sam shrank into her chair, noticeably blushing. But the petite redhead standing over her wasn't the least bit fazed. Kissing Sam lightly on the mouth, Charlie walked back into the small kitchen, where the tabby was sniffing one of the used pots.

"You'll be fine, hon. Just let it happen. Don't force anything." She then held out a cheap Chinese menu to the stocky brunette. "Pork belly tonight?"

Sam sneered. "Very funny."

"Fine. Deep dish pizza it is."

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever..."

And Sam reveled in the kiss she received from Charlie as a comeback.

The prompt for this week's Storyteller was provided by Arden Kilzer.