Tonight's Poet Corner: My List

My List
by Belinda Roddie

I have the names
of every lover I've ever had,
drawn out
thick
across a sheet of white paper.
I keep it close, detailing every
moment I felt the closest
to nirvana, whether over
a half-melted slice
of ice cream cake,
or a car ride across
the Golden Gate Bridge.

Some of the names are
worn out and faded; others
are as clear as when I first
inked them. Common
names and complex monikers
I never would imagine existed
without checking
a name book prior.
Some of them
share the same name.
Some simply show up twice.

I keep my list
in an envelope at night,
stamped to me
and addressed to me. I'll
mail it out and watch it come back
after the next lover scurries
away on foot in a panic.
They say it's not me, it's them,
but I'll save their names
anyway, to remember
the lives I wish we had had,
instead of the bullshit we
survived.