Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection

It's been a roller coaster of a week. And yes, I've used that phrase way too many times. It's getting cliché. Oh, well.

Despite not having to student teach at the public high school I'm assigned to this week because the students got a break, I have been dealing with a lot at my private school job, with my university courses, with my ever looming teaching performance assessment, with grading, with developing curricula, and with planning my wedding.

There has been a lot going on in my life. And unfortunately this week, I didn't handle my stress in the healthiest of ways.

I don't want to go into detail about what I did or did not do because I like the idea of privacy and it really isn't anyone else's business apart from whom I decide to talk to. Just know that I'm safe and surrounded by people who love me and are looking out for me. That's what matters.

Truth be told, I was surprised that some sort of breakdown, whether emotional or physical or otherwise, hadn't happened earlier. My anxiety was so bad regarding my work (and of course, the political climate; why is every GOP candidate for president out of his goddamn mind?) that if I ever felt myself getting sick or exhausted, I'd try to shut it down fast. Not drinking for almost the entire month of January may have actually helped with my health - in fact, a couple of nights after I started drinking again, I got hit with a brief, yet still nasty, cold episode. Still, I had to keep pushing myself to student teach and go to my private school job and go to classes because I knew that I could not miss anything. I mean it. If I miss more than two classes in any of my Sonoma State courses, I flunk out. As it is with the Internet, it's "srs bsns."

These next couple of months are not going to be any easier on me, and perhaps having a minor meltdown now is a lot better than having it later. I know now, of course, that I have to tend to my self-care a lot more. Even my mentor teachers have reached out to me and told me, even via email, that if I need to take a day off, I should. However, it's not that easy, because March is the month when I have to be filmed for my teaching performance assessment in order to obtain my teaching credential. And before I can do that, I need to complete a learning segment and planning commentary to turn in to my professors in order to get approval to film, and before I can film students, I need permission slips from them, even though the district has an opt-out system already in place for media release, and before that...well, you get the picture.

It's very easy for me to lose sight of my health and my own comfort in order to achieve the things and complete the goals I've set out to achieve and complete. I knew from the beginning that this semester would be insane. What I didn't know was how aware I had to be of my own well-being.

I promise all of you - friends, family, other random readers - that I will take care of myself the best I can, and if I can't care for myself that well, then I will turn to others who can help me.

I am planning to get my credential. I just also need to be sure I'm stable and content enough in order to attain it.

Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.