Saturday's Storyteller: "Can you compete in the Paralympics if you have TOO MANY limbs?"

by Belinda Roddie

"Can you compete in the Paralympics if you have too many limbs?"

"...What?"

"I mean, think about it. Say I was born with three legs. That might be pretty cool initially, right? But then I realize something."

"Um."

"I can't run properly with three legs."

"Um."

"I get all tangled up with three legs. There's no way I can compete in track and field. Relays. Marathons. Hurdles. I couldn't do it!"

"John, I - "

"So I figure, that'd be considered a handicap, right? Having too many legs. So can you compete in the Paralympics in that kind of situation?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Well, dude?"

"I am...fairly...fairly convinced that the hypothetical situation you described is not something that has ever happened ever."

"Hey, don't discriminate against tripedal people, man. They're just as valid as you and I are."

"What?!"

"Tripedal, Aaron! It's a thing!"

"It is not a - "

"Though to be fair, I think someone with six fingers on each hand would have an advantage in sports rather than a disadvantage..."

"Jooooohn."

"I mean, like in baseball. You could probably grip the bat better, right?"

"Why is this something that you're even thinking about?!"

"...Well. If you must know. I was thinking of volunteering at the Paralympics myself."

"...Really?"

"Yeah, really. You know my uncle just got in a car accident, right?"

"...Yeah. You said he was...paralyzed from the waist down."

"Yep. And he was a big basketball player. So he invited me to this gym across town, to watch him play with other guys in wheelchairs. It looked awesome. So I thought I'd find organizations to help out. Hence the Paralympics."

"You'd honestly take the time to do that?"

"Well, sure! I mean, most of my time away from work is just spent drinking and messing around, so I figured I may as well be productive."

"..."

"..."

"Well, now I just feel like a dick."

"You're not a dick."

"Seriously. I thought you were just being silly, as usual."

"Well, yeah, I was being silly. But also kind of serious."

"Uh-huh."

"...Seriosilly."

"Hmmm."

"But you're not a dick."

"Okay, fine."

"...You do have a nice one, though."

"John!"

"It's true!"

"I will clobber you with your own half-empty beer bottle!"

"Don't you waste good booze in a fight, man!"

"Why is it that every conversation we have just ends in me groaning and giving up?"

"Hey, honestly? I feel like you deserve a gold medal."

"..."

"In the bedroom."

"Aaaaand I'm going to drink myself stupid to forget this entire exchange."

"Have fun!"

"Oh, I will."

"..."

"..."

"...Okay, what if someone had eight arms?"

"Good night, John."

"You know, like an octopus?"

"Good night, John!"

This week's prompt was provided by Nic Smith.